Kids

Lame title :). But this is just a ramble since Z is zonking early (one nap). Were I on a fullsized keyboard, not side-nursing in bed, I would edit and creatively title. Maybe even find a theme. But having a second has squashed all vanity. I routinely forget to take off my houseshoes (yes, I just admitted to having houseshoes), rarely shower and public typos no longer terrify me. RIP vanity.

Eating has been a challenge lately. Z feels feisty during meal times and I can't figure out what she needs. She happily smears her food around, then sits on my lap for a bit to smear my food around, then doesn't want down but doesn't want up and fusses and squiggles on my lap. And honestly? I'm not a happy hungry person :). And I reeeeally like to eat.

So going out, though feasible now with carefully vetted menus, is typically a turn taking situation for E and I, with one of us walking the sidewalk while the other scarfs down dinner alongside P. But tonight, Z got ahold of a crostini smeared with roasted garlic and sat still the Entire Meal. I'm so not for giving babies junk food - or even empty foods like white flour, but damn, that was peaceful :). She worked that crusty crostini till it was g-o-n-e.

What else... Oh, interesting aside. P was in a foul mood the other day and went off on how much he disliked Zia. Called her names, didn't want to be by her... It was so odd, typically, though she frustrates him regularly, you can't get the kid to leave the poor baby alone. And he watches her, smiling, all the time. So I hugged on him. I validated. But nothing got it out of his system, he was, seemingly, So Angry with her.

And she hadn't even done anything frustrating...So Z and I changed rooms and i thought on it. I realized *I* had really frustrated him shortly before... When P followed us in, spitting foulness, we chatted and, come to find out, he wasn't actually mad at his sister. He was upset with me. But him thinking I suck, well, not so palatable as Z sucking. When I apologized, he was instantly better. He jumped the baby gate, turned to me and said, "I feel So Much Better.". Then he hugged his sister :). Then he asked me how he could be upset about something and his brain not realize what he was upset about. I told him it even happens to adults :). But I have to remember this, as she gets older and gets his goat more, that his anger might be misplaced...

Zia's anger, on the other hand. Wowsah. Pis-tol. And she can get so mad at a toy for not doing what she wants that she will fall to the ground, shrieking, and drag her teary self forward, running into walls or whatnot. And, unlike P, for whom I (or nursing;) solved all ills, Zia will just flop the opposite direction if I attempt to help or soothe. She wants to do it all by her damn self, buzz off, thankyouverymuch.

Some days (yesterday, I'm looking at You) I feel like a ping pong ball and think two is totally nutty, three or more is just plain heroic (or insane ;). Z was falling apart every other toy (teething, I loathe thee. Mixed with tummy troubles - thanks to testing melons. That'd be a no-go. Yuck.). So Z was a hot mess. And P, gawd I love his enthusiasm. His joy for life. His aggressive passion for playing with his baby sister. But (but!) - wow. Sometimes the running and the screaming and the cackling and the growling and the singing and the throwing and the everything-ing - at such volume and speed... And wanting me to watch it all - witness his every moment. And I settle her while listening to him and then he's zooming past teasing her and she's falling apart again and I'm just. trying. to. make. breakfast. Cuz I'm (always) hungry and, dammit, I LIKE to eat.

I swear, they plot against me some days. When it is noon, I'm in my jammies, unfed, surrounded by messes and small people tears, I want to join them and cry like a failure. These days are fewer as she gets older. But it shocks me that there are still these days.

And that is why there are parks. We've gone, a lot, this week. Not to the park gatherings, just up the street. The noise echoes less loudly there. And I always bring an apple. Cuz I like to eat.

Various pics from the week. Lots from the park. Z chomping cantaloupe (for the last time!). Z happy with that crostini.