Both of my parents have sweetly inquired this week if, indeed, I still keep a blog... And now, today, I'm stuck in bed with my first cold all winter, feeling pathetic and unable to do anything... but blog :) Flipping through my photos to get an idea of where I left off, I was shocked at how much my hiatus has missed... holiday fun, a trip to Florida, visits from family, the daily hilarity of a six year old and, well, the
big news ;)
Which, since we're just a few weeks from the half-way point, makes the
big news mostly
old news... But since E and I only personally told about three people, there could be one or two humans on earth my mother has yet to illuminate :)
P is, after many years of requests, going to be a big brother (to more than a pink monster:). He hopes beyond hope that he will be a big brother to a little sister (the other possibility has already been lovingly dubbed "dog poo" by our upright first-born) and has big plans for pink and dresses. Oy ;)
That's right. The child is
excited. When he found out, just moments after his shocked mother, he took to bed bouncing of the highest degree, while happily chanting "Mama's having a baby, I'm going to be a big brother! Mama's having a baby, I'm going to be a big brother!" He wants to tell
everyone (much like my mother!) and often tells the same friends, again, each time he sees them. As this doesn't seem to fully fulfill the need, he has also told
each and every one of his stuffed toys his joyous news, requiring surprise and confusion, followed by happiness, as their scripted reactions. hehe.
I won't lie. The first few months were rough. Imagine a horrible stomach flu, all day and all night, for a little over two months straight. The kind where someone even
saying the word "chicken" makes you gag. Yah. The kid was a trooper, though. Of course, it helped that I wasn't up to leaving the house much (what? a staycation?? That's the kid's dream world!!!) and could only occasionally stomach basic starches, salad or fruit (two of those being the kid's faves;) E was a trooper too. He went from being fed a diet perfect for his body type (finally, after almost killing him for 20 years with ethical vegetarianism...;) and sent homemade lunches... to eating whatever he could scrounge from the fridge (that I couldn't stand to even open) and canned fish, daily. In the other room. With the door between us closed. And having to brush his teeth before he spoke to me :)
The other "fun" in the first trimester were the doctors/midwives we've seen, all of whom were more than a little impressed with our ability to conceive (cancer and old age aren't super fertility markers, apparently;) Which left me rather jumpy for the first four months. Only now, with the steady thrumming baby bumps in my burgeoning belly is this starting to seem even semi-real.
The child, on the other hand, hasn't had any problem accepting his new reality. Not wanting his 4 years of hopeful baby anticipation to bring on too much devastation if things didn't end favorably, I kept kinda quiet on the subject. This did not stop the child. Apparently, he thinks about the baby All. The Time. "I made you this sandwich, Mama. That half is for you, that half is for the baby." "Will my baby love the cat? Will the cat love my baby?" "I'm going to teach my baby how to spell Phoenix." And, one of my faves so far, "Will the baby have a nanny or a babysitter... or will it spend the day with us?" Heheh.
But the hardest question, so far, came just a week or so into the ordeal. He had already said how excited he was to share BB with his baby, so I was feeling pretty good about the sharing, sibling love bit, until.... "Mama, if one of us had to die, the baby or I, who would you choose?" Erm.... As I dodged an answer, thinking as quickly as possible, he made it more intense. "No, Mama. No. If you had to pick either the baby or I to die or else everyone else on Earth would die, who would you pick?"
Yeesh. So, maybe there will be some issues ;)
But the truth is, we've waited so long in hopes that whatever issues there are, they won't totally overwhelm us. Cuz this kid, he likes his attention ;) Like two nights ago. We had just received some paperwork that had to be done that night. As E and I focused on our papers, the child bounced around trying to hedge in on the process. It was late, we all needed to go to bed, but the circumstances were what they were. The child was asked to busy himself elsewhere. As I filled in my lines the child, lying on the bed behind me, sighed and muttered to himself. "I'm tired. And I want some Attention."
Oy :) Yah, we've all heard the stories of the toddler that tries to suffocate the newborn. And we knew we weren't interested in that sort of a battle.
And then he grew up, so much. He would stay with others on occasion. Didn't freak if I turned a corner without him. Or showered. He didn't need to be carried (well, sometimes he still thought so, but coming onto half my size nixed that one;) He slept better, truly fed himself (as in, could make his own sandwich even, not that he didn't prefer being served;), dressed himself, chose to sleep in his own bed... Sure, we were still busy with him from the moment we woke up until the moment he went to bed 14 hours later... but the intensity of need had changed. E and I started having mini-chats. Being able to hold hands while we walked down the sidewalk and the child skipped ahead. We even went out a couple of times for tea or dinner, without the child, while he played with Tom, the neighbor boy. It was revolutionary.
This could have been our big turning moment. The freedom would just keep building. And we told ourselves he was happy as an only, despite his constant baby requests. And we told ourselves we were happy with one, despite the constant discussion that we never seemed to put to rest.
And then one day while chatting, my mom mentioned that she had thought about having another kid after my baby brother. And I was shocked at my emotional response. The thought of having another sibling made me So Happy (yah, I've got three in my family and 6 more in E's that are just like siblings for me, so its not like I was deprived or anything ;) Well, that ship has long since sailed, but it sealed this ship's fate. If, after knowing the joys and bonks of having three brothers I could still get that jazzed by the thought of having another in my life, well... I totally understood why our child was so persistent in his request. And, of course, my clock was gonging, loudly ;)
And so to bed went the worries. The concerns for the environment, overpopulation, first-world consumption, the guilt over the selfishness of procreating. Also to bed went the worries of time, energy, sleep, freedom, money and marital health ;) And the whole host of worries about how the kid would handle it. Call it callous. Call it cavalier. Call it crazy. But after all, what were the chances we'd conceive anyway?? Couldn't hurt to try ;)
Ha.
And so we happily await "the baby." And plan a move across the United States. The child is taking the changes in stride, so far.... ;)
