We met P's best buddy Malek at the playground Friday. (Yes, out of the house!!) The boys had fun playing the popular toddler game of aimlessly chasing one another. They of course have no idea what to do when they catch each other, but the chasing seems to be enough. Around the equipment and down the swirly slide is their current favorite. I was reminded today that toddlers are a pretty outspoken/demanding lot (how could i forget?) and I think this is why P often balks at play-dates. When other kids yell at him he tends to force a smile or try to disappear. If the yelling is over an object, he hands the bounty to the buddy and sweetly says "here you go" while he bounces his head up and down in an exaggerated fashion. (I've come to recognize the big head bounce as a sure sign of his discomfort; its as if he hopes that with enough validating-type nodding he can get the other person to nod and smile too.) Now if the object in question belongs to him, the spirited little baby I've always known steps up, like last week when he stood up to the bullies. And if the object in question is me (i.e. some kid dumping sand on my feet or taking a toy he thinks I'm playing with), forgettaboutit. I've never felt so fiercely protected in my life. If the object in question is him, he is torn. He wants to meet the other's expectations, but if he isn't comfortable with their demands, he freezes, unsure of this grey area.
We work hard to come up with solutions everyone is comfortable with at home (no forced bedtimes, food requirements or rules etc), so he doesn't deal with demands daily. (Other than his own!) He's always been so strong, some might even say willful :) around us that seeing him shrink to please or accommodate feels like watching an emotional train wreck. I know he'll get used to kids yelling someday and that interactions change as kids grow, but its a pretty painful process to watch. When he was younger I worried that he would bulldoze over the world with his will. Now a whole new side is emerging. This one understands there are expectations and will even bend to them to keep the peace. I know this is part of living in a community, but its actually a little sad to watch some of the fire go.
After a spin on the swings we all went for pizza and then briefly watched the tractors before heading home for naps. And after an afternoon of playing and cooking at home with a brief stint as a construction worker P had a visit from Uncle Seth. The world revolves around Seth when he is here. (Actually, even when he's not. P made muffins this morning and when they came out he picked one for himself - and one for Seth. He even wanted to pack it in a bag for him.) The only downside to such excitement is, well, all of the excitement. From the moment Seth walks in the door until the teary eyed moment that he leaves, P is All Over Him. I'd post pictures of their play but they are all blurry from the intense tickling/wrestling/running movements inherent in these interactions :) I love that P has these fantastic extended-family moments to keep his seemingly sensitive faith in social interactions high. At the end of the day, difficulties be damned, P really, really likes his sweet buddies. But for Phoenix, there's nobody quite like Uncle Seth.
1 comment:
i so agree with this too. benny is often so much happier when his "big people" friends come to play. kid friends are soimetimes too exciting, too unformed, too much work.
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