So I learned to say "please" from Phoenix this week. P's been saying "thank you" since he turned two, but "please" hadn't been part of the vocabulary. And its true. Without that magic word his needs could sound more like a drill sergeant than an appreciative imp, but I was cool waiting for him to understand the concept before barking any empty words. And I hate the idea of "teaching" manners to wee ones. Phoenix has managed to morph his baby body into a climbing machine that has a good grasp of the complexities of English pronouns with barely a hint from us; it seems condescending to think he can't figure out the timing of the word "thanks." And he is so sincere with the thank you's of his own invention. Nothing generic or rehearsed and sure, sometimes altogether missing, but when chosen, so specific and sweet. "Thank you for letting me use your tools Papa. Thank you for giving me this dinner mama. Thank you for bringing to me these beans guy. (to a waiter)" etc.
But he rarely Hears the word please. It has an awkward feel in My mouth. A dry mix of subservient and begging. And begging is just about the only time P ever hears the P word. Gentle E, at the end of a long negotiation, will often wrap up his side with an upswinging "please p? Please?" But no "Please pass the pancakes" in our house. E and I are much more verbose with a "Would you mind if I had a bite of your pancakes? Could you pass me some butter?" And P was following suit with more gentle sounding demands that occasionally curled up at the ends. But with no example to follow and no bossy "say Please!" to tune out, please was not even on the horizon. Much to the chagrin of the "helpful" ladies in market lines. "Say Please!" they'd chime to this child they don't even know. Say please- O jeez. P's pretty much always trying to do the best he can, and being corrected when you're trying smarts. Smarts, that is, until it pisses you off and you start ignoring or rebelling :)
So Phoenix was playing with a buddy of his this week while us moms were chatting about that magic word. He was really into a fire truck but apparently he was also into our conversation. (His buddy, Y, is an unschooler too so his mama and I share a lot of concepts. Model, don't teach; kids can only Truly learn when They are ready. And kids truly do want to learn if you don't mess with them too much!) So we were chatting about manners and modeling and how I was pleased to wait for P to say please but sometimes people seemed taken aback at how strong his demands sound, yadi yadi.
I'm not sure why this conversation struck my little eavesdropper so strongly. But by the next day: Please will you carry this bucket? Please will you play trains? Please do you have some water? And on and on. After 4 days of listening to his sweet requests, please doesn't sound so cloying anymore and I'm finally adding it to my vocabulary today too. Writing it out just now it still sounds like he's begging for help, but when I actually hear it, it just sounds nice. Modeling works, for all ages :)
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