Friday, October 18, 2013
Quick quotes
P, sick on couch (I'm getting dressed in the next room) says, "Z, what is that in your mouth?". Z, "A biscuit.". P, "Z, those are Rocks you Pretend are biscuits. They don't go in your mouth.". Z starts making pretend eating sounds rather than the rock/teeth grinding sound I'd previously heard.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Z. 20, 21 and 22 months
We have had a whirlwind of a summer with houseguests for almost two months straight! It has been a lovely way to pass the sunny days here, but this, our first week as a family of four again, has been a sweet return to normalcy. That said, I'm missing my mother (our last houseguest this year.). Ah, well, some day she'll be incontinent and slightly demented and I'll move her to me and she won't be able to argue :)
Z has loved all of the hullabaloo. These last few months coincided with the age we moved P cross country to NYC. He had very little to say about it at the time, though he had great verbal skills. He didn't call anyone by name other than E and I, so we never knew if he was missing his far flung relatives or if they were just gone for him.
I think he was just missing the words (and, most probably, the family:). Cuz Z remembers Everything. And misses her people. And can elaborate on that fact quite clearly. Which, I have to say, continuously shocks all of us. As she lists each and every visitor we've had this summer and if they left us by plane and who they left with and if they are far away or down the street...
When family first started arriving, sweet Z had a decent vocabulary and strung simple sentences together still mixed with lots of single word phrases. But by the time my mom arrived 3 weeks ago, Z was talking. As in, full paragraphs. With words I didn't realize we'd ever spoken around her. We're trying to perfect our 'not surprised' look as she seems to dance intellectual circle around all of us.
Yah, I'm not going to try and play it coy and act like she is normal. Because it is becoming pretty obvious the girl has stuff figured. My favorite talent these days being her storytelling. It's fascinating to hear such a young mind weave a long tale with dramatic sound effects and pratfalls.
My other favorite is just basically hearing anything that comes out of her mouth ;). Like last night at the movie in the park. She turns to me with her popcorn breath and says, "I freak out at zombies." Ever so unexpected from a one year old ;). But then again, this one year old has a big brother that talks about brain eating zombies, so, not so very odd, I guess :).
My other favorite is her use of the word "hate." This being an emotion, or word, that P didn't express until he was 4. Which pleased me greatly at the time :). Z uses it like breathing. In the car she will ask for music. Then dance in her seat. Unit the wrong song comes on, at which point she will tell me she Hates it.
Or when P taunts her and she screams at him. And he laughs and taunts her some more and maybe even adds some sort of bodily insult (a push or a yank on her toy) and she will lock him with her steely grey gaze and say "i h-a-t-e it.". Just simple and straightforward, to let him know she's not mucking around. I have to laugh.
But I didn't laugh a couple weeks ago when she found some pretend ice cubes in the play kitchen and proudly showed me her hand, saying, "Mama, look, diamonds!" I didn't remember using the word diamond, ever. Obviously one of us has. I made validating sounds and went back to cleaning. At which point she placed the diamonds on the stool and said, "Mama, come sit by me on stool. With diamonds. Three diamonds." My mother had just told me earlier that day that Z was counting balls up to five and I had told her she was bat shit crazy. So I quickly glanced over at the stool to see... Three ice cubes. And Z returning from the play kitchen with another ice cube saying, "Nope, four diamonds."
I don't know about you, but I find a 22 month old speaking like this disconcerting.
And peers at the playground find it misleading. And with her height, she fits right in with the three year olds. But she is one (almost two!!!), but really still one and its so strange to see her move with the ease of an older kid and speak as well as many much older kids but still be One. A friend once told me having tall kids suck because everyone expects more of them, expects them to act so much older. And she was so right. Fortunately, Z gets lots of peer practice in with P, so her social skills can handle some expectations, but I still feel for her sometimes when she doesn't know what's going on (because she hasn't seen a whole 'nuther year of experiences!).
One social skill that makes me laugh though, is her "sowwy." She really appreciates hearing sorry from P when she feels wronged. Likes it so much, in fact, that she uses the phrase herself. Talk about endearing. She woke early the other day (I mean really early here:) and I told her it was really early and I wanted to sleep. She tried. She lay down and flopped. Finally she sat up in bed and said, "Sowwy , Mama, I awake," rubbing her little chest in the sorry sign at the same time. She also tosses out thank yous and pleases and tries to shake hands. So funny the stuff they pick up!
The sheer truth is, she walked and talked and jumped and figured everything out so early and quickly that my grand plan to enjoy her babyhood feels unbelievably robbed. I still feel that passionate pull you feel towards tiny ones, the unarguable urge to wrap yourself around them and smoosh your face against theirs and love on them so much you could practically eat them up. And she is getting too big for that too fast. And my womb too old to do anything about it. Sigh.
But she is cuddly. And that makes up for a lot of the early adulthood ;). She still nurses a ton. And loves hugs and kisses. And loves to eat dinner with everyone. And loves to sit on the counter and help me cook. And loves her brother.
The other morning we were making food, waiting for P to wake up (her nights are still short) and she said, "I like P.". All conversationally. Like two girls chatting. I laughed and said I like him, too. Which tickled her, so she said, "I happy." And seeing me smile she added, "and Mama happy!"
She talks about being sad and mad and frustrated and happy. And for the most part, she blows off steam pretty well when she becomes upset. She doesn't necessarily want help calming down, though sometimes she wants a hug, often she just takes a deep breath and walks into the next room, and then comes running back in a minute later laughing. Except for those rare times E upsets her. Then oh. My. Gawd.
My mom got to see one of those. I was really sick with a fever, having been up tending to P and Z with fevers for two nights and I was desperate for a little sleep. So E tried to take Z for a walk (her fever was gone.). She was not interested, to say the least, and Ethan wouldn't let her come in and wake me and she Fell Apart. My mom (who had four of us and we weren't all angels all of the time;) said she'd never seen anything like it.
Yah, Z is a fair ray of sunshine, but she knows how to commit when she is crossed :). She has her warning shriek down. Followed by a "No, P (it's usually P, let's be honest;), Go Away. GO AWAYYYYY!!! Stop It,". And my favorite ending to that diatribe? "No mess with my hair!"
Speaking of not messing with her, she is so obviously a little sister. Poor kid. She has definite "don't mess with me I've got to protect myself" issues (thank you , brother Phoenix!) If she sets her food down she will connect with you before walking away, saying first, "No eat my waffle." And if she is reading a book and sets it down for a moment she will lay down her rules, "no mess with my book." I told her this morning that BB likes smoothies (she was drinking hers and holding him) and she fixed him with a look of distrust, marched over to the diaper bin and tossed him into it saying, "no take my smoothie!"
Poor kid:). P so loves to mess with her it is Unreal. But he so obviously adores her, too. Ahhh siblings.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Phoenix: 8.5
Little Miss gets all of the updates ;) P's changes seem slower. His personality isn't a constant discovery these days, I guess?
But right now, he's into Survival. We've read a few books (Aunt Alicia loaned us Hatchet, his new fave:) and this has really sparked something inside of him. He spends vast amounts of time carting around his Survival Pack (which is, true to the collector in him, quickly morphing into about Three survival packs;), dreaming of what he would do in various dangerous situations. Like, say, an earthquake. (Which he is very conflicted about, telling me how he doesn't really want there to be an earthquake. But is it really, really wrong if he dreams of there being an earthquake so that he can save us all? As long as he knows he doesn't Truly want one to happen? Sweet boy.) He loves the thought of taking ALL of it on hikes. The weight of even one of the bags tends to exhaust him just walking to the store though, so the reality...
It's funny to see him cycle. For months it was Lego. There were Legos all over our tables, in my kitchen drawers, surrounding the stove, under our feet, in Zia's mouth. Everywhere, All The Time. And now it's knives and cordage. But this makes for fun projects between the two of us.
I think he is looking older. His front adult teeth are almost all the way in, in all of their jagged edged glory. He has lost his baby nose. His long sleeve shirts are noticeably 3/4 now. And his hair is getting really long. He has decided to (inspired by his amazing Aunt and her gorgeous new 'do) go for natural dreads. This appeals to him, of course, because it basically means not brushing his hair for the next year. I love the idea of him having dreads. I think they are adorable on little boys and the upkeep for him (since he is so devoted to his long hair staying Long) is perfect ;) But I am not sure I will be able to handle the process and the possible judging looks if it gets toooo straggly before achieving full on dread-dom.... When I mentioned this today, he reassured me that his hair is naturally dread prone and it will be a lovely transition.
That said, I am finding myself able to separate my preferences and his for attire and style easier than I had anticipated. I can let go of the idea that he represents my parenting. He is starting to feel less "mine" and more his own. If that makes any sense whatsoever? I want him to be P, not little me and am happy to give him the space to be so. Sometimes making that space is easy, sometimes I have to take deep breaths. (The dreads in about 6 months may be a deep breath moment.;)
And I think he feels it a little, this separating, too. He has become more comfortable just hanging with peers, leaving me behind on a bench with Z. This makes for better park time for him, since toddlers (or Mamas with toddlers in tow) are slow playdates. He didn't even hesitate when invited to play Frisbee Golf by his Aunt and Uncle. He revels in running down the sidewalk, out of sight, with one of his buds. This growth opens up the chance to go to Nerf Wars with other homeschoolers. And it may, possibly, even open up a class for him next fall....
There are some fantastic outdoorsy/survival schools here. With great instructors and awesome sounding classes. He said he is interested in doing a class. It would be alllll day, one day a week. We'll see, though. When I started to sign him up, he said... not quite yet ;) But the fact that he's entertained the thought, well, that's huge for P.
Not to stick Little Miss into *his* post, but I'm fascinated by how different they are! Though she has been raised even MORE attachment parenty-ish than P (since I'm not torn by various ideologies this time or doubting us every five seconds;), she is obviously, inherently different; an independent little extrovert. (Which, of course, is just more proof that AP parenting doesn't make dependent little crazies, P is just special ;) Running around the Life Is Good conference last weekend with other little kids, making friends fast, burrowing under tents out of my sight, and then chatting with strangers. P, on the other hand, though some of his best buds were there, still spent most of the time by my side. And when Z fell sick and I couldn't return to the conference with him Saturday, P bailed. He wouldn't go so far out of his comfort zone if I wasn't there.
Meanwhile, the one year old, after her fever broke, ran into her father's arms to go on a hike with him. Totally different personalities :) And I think this is (partially) why I'm finding the second easier than the first (like I mentioned last post, not to beat a dead horse here.) I mean, the second is easier because it's not the first, duh! But I think the second is so much easier for me because I just was everything for the first. He would accept no fill-ins and no breaks and was so all consuming I thought he might consume my sanity. Don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful thing to be so adored and needed, but mostly only in retrospect ;)
And though the second is easier, the first, I'm finding, is still my first and therefore still just as hard :)
Poor P, everything he goes through is a first time for E and I - he doesn't benefit from a backlog of experience like Z will/does. Every step is a growing pain for alllll of us :) Plus, P having Z is our first "sibling experience" (though maybe each sibling experience varies so much due to personalities that sib dances don't actually get easier? I have no idea :), so that's a whole other area to suck at the first time around. But we try so damn hard with him, hopefully this helps make up for our complete cluelessness...
I could write twenty blog posts on the guilt I have that I am less P's these days with Z around. That we can't do most projects of late. That just keeping us all on task seems to fill all of my time, leaving so very little floor wrestling and Lego building at the end of the day. That he asked me today if I loved him or her more. (Thank gawd infinity is infinite and there is not more than or less than there!) But I'll save myself the time. I don't think that's something I'm going to solve OR forget by the time he's grown and I'm re-reading this. But just a quick note: The guilt. Oy, the guilt. To be loved so very much by someone, to be so much the All for someone for so long and then to have that change out of necessity rather than choice. Rough. emotional. ride.
P handles it differently depending on the day. Somedays he is passionate about his sister. I cannot get him to leave her alone. Can hardly finish a nursing session without him messing with her. She can't walk across the room without getting tackled by hugs or hearing him call "Zia, Zia, Look!!!" Other days, he is angry with her so often I want to tear my hair out.
I am trying to remember to let them have their relationship. That they recover from mis-steps faster than I do. That they don't have to be warm and fuzzy All the damn time (though that's my dream :) But, honestly, it got pretty ugly for a few weeks there.
P just seemed angry All The Time. And he would even be angry with Me! (The shock, the horror ;) But beyond that, he would get wiiiiiild. So wound up that when I would run to get his attention (to stave off whatever catastrophe he was whirling towards) and tried to catch his eyes, he wasn't really there. It's hard to explain, but E was alarmed, too.
We quietly whispered about possibilities. Worked extra hard to get Z out of the house Every Day so that P and I could chat and laugh while I did the dishes after dinner (during which time he grumped, which is totally out of his normal personality. He's a thankful child, appreciating sunsets and flower scents and, well, usually everything!). We made sure there were plenty of playdates and outings. Made sure there weren't too many playdates and outings. Nothin' doin. We had chat after chat after chat with him about "Stop means STOP." Or, how he only has two options when E and I tell him something (act on our declaration or talk to us about it and we'll come up with another solution.) About how that third option he was favoring (totally ignoring everyone and doing whateverthehellhewanted) was NOT an actual option....
I'll skip the gory details and skip to the end, this week. About a week after we dropped almonds out of his diet (again, yes, I know.) He'd been eating almond butter and we'd been making almond milk and ice cream for the last month or two and his skin seemed find so we hoped he'd outgrown his sensitivity. Out of sheer desperation, I quietly switched to sunbutter last week, just in case, and have watched my sweet boy return.
Tonight, after a peaceful bedtime routine and not a single bit of screaming all day, P told me he didn't feel so angry. I told him I could tell :) He also said that when he felt himself getting wound up, it hadn't been as hard to calm himself down. Honestly, I just can't believe the difference. Just in eye contact alone. And its awesome that he is aware of it. And the next time anyone hears that we are going to test Almonds again, could someone please slap me?
Here I'd thought we'd jumped ahead to the teen years and was totally stressing. But ahhh, no, we still have an eight year old ;) But he's our first eight year old, so I had no clue :)
But right now, he's into Survival. We've read a few books (Aunt Alicia loaned us Hatchet, his new fave:) and this has really sparked something inside of him. He spends vast amounts of time carting around his Survival Pack (which is, true to the collector in him, quickly morphing into about Three survival packs;), dreaming of what he would do in various dangerous situations. Like, say, an earthquake. (Which he is very conflicted about, telling me how he doesn't really want there to be an earthquake. But is it really, really wrong if he dreams of there being an earthquake so that he can save us all? As long as he knows he doesn't Truly want one to happen? Sweet boy.) He loves the thought of taking ALL of it on hikes. The weight of even one of the bags tends to exhaust him just walking to the store though, so the reality...
It's funny to see him cycle. For months it was Lego. There were Legos all over our tables, in my kitchen drawers, surrounding the stove, under our feet, in Zia's mouth. Everywhere, All The Time. And now it's knives and cordage. But this makes for fun projects between the two of us.
I think he is looking older. His front adult teeth are almost all the way in, in all of their jagged edged glory. He has lost his baby nose. His long sleeve shirts are noticeably 3/4 now. And his hair is getting really long. He has decided to (inspired by his amazing Aunt and her gorgeous new 'do) go for natural dreads. This appeals to him, of course, because it basically means not brushing his hair for the next year. I love the idea of him having dreads. I think they are adorable on little boys and the upkeep for him (since he is so devoted to his long hair staying Long) is perfect ;) But I am not sure I will be able to handle the process and the possible judging looks if it gets toooo straggly before achieving full on dread-dom.... When I mentioned this today, he reassured me that his hair is naturally dread prone and it will be a lovely transition.
That said, I am finding myself able to separate my preferences and his for attire and style easier than I had anticipated. I can let go of the idea that he represents my parenting. He is starting to feel less "mine" and more his own. If that makes any sense whatsoever? I want him to be P, not little me and am happy to give him the space to be so. Sometimes making that space is easy, sometimes I have to take deep breaths. (The dreads in about 6 months may be a deep breath moment.;)
And I think he feels it a little, this separating, too. He has become more comfortable just hanging with peers, leaving me behind on a bench with Z. This makes for better park time for him, since toddlers (or Mamas with toddlers in tow) are slow playdates. He didn't even hesitate when invited to play Frisbee Golf by his Aunt and Uncle. He revels in running down the sidewalk, out of sight, with one of his buds. This growth opens up the chance to go to Nerf Wars with other homeschoolers. And it may, possibly, even open up a class for him next fall....
There are some fantastic outdoorsy/survival schools here. With great instructors and awesome sounding classes. He said he is interested in doing a class. It would be alllll day, one day a week. We'll see, though. When I started to sign him up, he said... not quite yet ;) But the fact that he's entertained the thought, well, that's huge for P.
Not to stick Little Miss into *his* post, but I'm fascinated by how different they are! Though she has been raised even MORE attachment parenty-ish than P (since I'm not torn by various ideologies this time or doubting us every five seconds;), she is obviously, inherently different; an independent little extrovert. (Which, of course, is just more proof that AP parenting doesn't make dependent little crazies, P is just special ;) Running around the Life Is Good conference last weekend with other little kids, making friends fast, burrowing under tents out of my sight, and then chatting with strangers. P, on the other hand, though some of his best buds were there, still spent most of the time by my side. And when Z fell sick and I couldn't return to the conference with him Saturday, P bailed. He wouldn't go so far out of his comfort zone if I wasn't there.
Meanwhile, the one year old, after her fever broke, ran into her father's arms to go on a hike with him. Totally different personalities :) And I think this is (partially) why I'm finding the second easier than the first (like I mentioned last post, not to beat a dead horse here.) I mean, the second is easier because it's not the first, duh! But I think the second is so much easier for me because I just was everything for the first. He would accept no fill-ins and no breaks and was so all consuming I thought he might consume my sanity. Don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful thing to be so adored and needed, but mostly only in retrospect ;)
And though the second is easier, the first, I'm finding, is still my first and therefore still just as hard :)
Poor P, everything he goes through is a first time for E and I - he doesn't benefit from a backlog of experience like Z will/does. Every step is a growing pain for alllll of us :) Plus, P having Z is our first "sibling experience" (though maybe each sibling experience varies so much due to personalities that sib dances don't actually get easier? I have no idea :), so that's a whole other area to suck at the first time around. But we try so damn hard with him, hopefully this helps make up for our complete cluelessness...
I could write twenty blog posts on the guilt I have that I am less P's these days with Z around. That we can't do most projects of late. That just keeping us all on task seems to fill all of my time, leaving so very little floor wrestling and Lego building at the end of the day. That he asked me today if I loved him or her more. (Thank gawd infinity is infinite and there is not more than or less than there!) But I'll save myself the time. I don't think that's something I'm going to solve OR forget by the time he's grown and I'm re-reading this. But just a quick note: The guilt. Oy, the guilt. To be loved so very much by someone, to be so much the All for someone for so long and then to have that change out of necessity rather than choice. Rough. emotional. ride.
P handles it differently depending on the day. Somedays he is passionate about his sister. I cannot get him to leave her alone. Can hardly finish a nursing session without him messing with her. She can't walk across the room without getting tackled by hugs or hearing him call "Zia, Zia, Look!!!" Other days, he is angry with her so often I want to tear my hair out.
I am trying to remember to let them have their relationship. That they recover from mis-steps faster than I do. That they don't have to be warm and fuzzy All the damn time (though that's my dream :) But, honestly, it got pretty ugly for a few weeks there.
P just seemed angry All The Time. And he would even be angry with Me! (The shock, the horror ;) But beyond that, he would get wiiiiiild. So wound up that when I would run to get his attention (to stave off whatever catastrophe he was whirling towards) and tried to catch his eyes, he wasn't really there. It's hard to explain, but E was alarmed, too.
We quietly whispered about possibilities. Worked extra hard to get Z out of the house Every Day so that P and I could chat and laugh while I did the dishes after dinner (during which time he grumped, which is totally out of his normal personality. He's a thankful child, appreciating sunsets and flower scents and, well, usually everything!). We made sure there were plenty of playdates and outings. Made sure there weren't too many playdates and outings. Nothin' doin. We had chat after chat after chat with him about "Stop means STOP." Or, how he only has two options when E and I tell him something (act on our declaration or talk to us about it and we'll come up with another solution.) About how that third option he was favoring (totally ignoring everyone and doing whateverthehellhewanted) was NOT an actual option....
I'll skip the gory details and skip to the end, this week. About a week after we dropped almonds out of his diet (again, yes, I know.) He'd been eating almond butter and we'd been making almond milk and ice cream for the last month or two and his skin seemed find so we hoped he'd outgrown his sensitivity. Out of sheer desperation, I quietly switched to sunbutter last week, just in case, and have watched my sweet boy return.
Tonight, after a peaceful bedtime routine and not a single bit of screaming all day, P told me he didn't feel so angry. I told him I could tell :) He also said that when he felt himself getting wound up, it hadn't been as hard to calm himself down. Honestly, I just can't believe the difference. Just in eye contact alone. And its awesome that he is aware of it. And the next time anyone hears that we are going to test Almonds again, could someone please slap me?
Here I'd thought we'd jumped ahead to the teen years and was totally stressing. But ahhh, no, we still have an eight year old ;) But he's our first eight year old, so I had no clue :)
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Zia: Her 18th Month. And now, her 19th, too...;)
Ok, I've said it before, but I'm gonna say it again, I cannot Believe how much a baby can change in a month. Wowsah.
So, it seems the tantrums, the flings to the floor, have subsided. Disappointments still happen, of course, but Z seems to be establishing a more solid grasp on how life flows and doesn't experience utter shock when extension cord chewing is eschewed. This is so nice :) There was a brief blip (that seemingly lasted forever;) where we felt a tad tied to the homestead, as every library, grocery store or sidewalk outing could (would) end in serious sadness. (Oh to run in the street, rip all of the books off of the shelves or play on someone else's porch! Where is the Freedom???)
In other words, she gets it (at least, sometimes she gets it. This morning's outing an obvious exception...). And she luuuuuuuuuvs to play, so, (assuming I'm rested enough to have my wits about me) almost all ills can be avoided with games and silly songs. P was often such a serious sort at this age (which I loved), but I'm finding her hammy huge laughs and her purposeful mis-steps hilarious and fun and new. This child LOVES to laugh.
But what's really new, is how she handles disappointment. It is heartbreaking and adorable and I'm trying to not overthink it here... Once surly in the face of brotherly growls, an oak tree barely blown by any angry P yells, she has become super sensitive the past month. Like, SUPER sensitive. She cannot stand being growled at and will run, yelling "Noooooooooo" until she is behind my legs (yes, he seems to enjoy that. Sigh.) And if he yells "No!" at her? OMG. Same reaction as when, last night, she grabbed something off of our kitchen floor (later established to be a piece of very dry cheese...) and
Oy. This has been sitting for weeks. She seems to have actually outgrown this habit before I even finished blogging about it :). If that isn't a statement in futility here...
At any rate, she did a heartbreaking run to a corner or a head bury in the nearest couch for a few weeks whenever she felt (even the slightest) upset. She seems to be recovering her tenacity quite nicely, as she now favors, for instance, growling "Baby, NO!" in a demented gremlin voice whenever she sees a child doing something that crosses her. Gotta say, the sensitive pout was much more endearing. But I worry less about her future seeing her strength shine :)
Which leads me to a quick confession. I've realized I'm doing a bit of a backwards sexism thing in my parenting that makes me pause. Subconsciously responding to strength in her and sensitivity in him. When she smacks her brother (always after ample warning that she was Not enjoying his tactics) I almost silently shrug and think, well, she warned ya, don't touch her if she doesn't want it! Twisted. I know. I'm working on it.
Haha. Third try at this post!
She turns 20 months today. Holy crikey.
So, at this age, Zia is..... Fast. Tall. Talkative. Continually mistaken for a two (plus) year old. Which can be hard, since, well, she's not :). She loves to play with other kids (an obvious departure from P's toddlerhood, er, entire early childhood;) and almost obsessively asks for Papa to take her to to the playground.
Of which she has three in rotation. And if he heads towards the one she isn't thinking of (she knows the neighborhood like the back of her tiny hand) she will shout, "No! The other one!" Once arrived, she favors the slides. And vacillates between gremlin voice ownership of the structures and attempted toddler adorability (by sliding up beside another kid and smiling, "Hi, Baby! Babble babble babble" (which said baby (no one, really) can yet translate.)
This week, she adores her father. It seems to be cyclic. Some weeks, going away with him is a big ol' NO. Then it cycles and she runs into his arms with her throaty "Papa!!!!!" And coyly turns to me and winks, "Bye-bye." Yah, I've been dismissed :). Or how she wakes up and the first thing she asks (every morning) is, "Where'd Papa go?" Funny to see her vacillate back and forth with growth spurts and teething and colds etc. What I really, really want is a picture of E's face when she is running towards him with her arms wide. My heart seizes up at his happiness. Love. It.
She also loves her baby doll, now named Baby Mine. She very much likes to take Baby Mine on walks in P's old stroller (which she is just a titch small to operate smoothly...) She loves riding her wheely bug cow, stacking Ian and Kendra's blocks, bustling about the play kitchen... and making messes.
Really, that about sums it up. She spends a seemingly small amount of time with toys, typically just getting into whatever is lying around and making enormous messes with it. She loves to open our low food cupboard and take all of the food out and put it in our shopping bag. She screams bloody murder if something doesn't fit. She takes the glass jars out and sets them all over the kitchen floor. I walk back in and, not noticing the CLEAR objects on the floor, trip and watch them roll everywhere. She loves chase and giggle and closing doors (oh the power) and moving chairs to climb onto everything and she most especially likes to go on walks.
What else... The nitty gritty, food, sleep, shit... Some days she takes herself to the potty and I hear her yell from the other room, "I pee! Yay!!!" Then she excitedly runs and dumps her wee potty pan in the big toilet, cheering for herself. Other days she is insulted by the very idea. She has the concept, I think, as she walks around the house, pointing to various places, "No pee on that, no pee on that, no pee on That..." And then points to the potty and says, "Pee on THAT!" So, I'm hopeful we are getting closer to fewer accidents while simultaneously realizing she is only one and a half...
She hasn't eaten much the last two months. Mostly just masticating whatever we give her and spitting it out. I mean, she eats some sometimes, but it has been a definite departure. Then just as her last molar is erupting and she turns twenty months, just in the last few days she has started Chowing Down. Coincidence? I dunno, but I love that I don't worry about every little change with the second, trusting she isn't chewing and swallowing for a reason, waiting for it to change, cuz it always does... Wow the second time is so much easier for me:)
Food as far as allergies? Oy. Still figuring. I've dropped pork and coconut for the month and her face rash has slowly but surely started to heal, so I'm going to trial coconut back in this week. I'm fine without pork (it was just for P) and will probably skip it and move on to something else... Beans, maybe? Or , ooooo, I think I"ll try sunflower seeds... Always optimistic her gut is healing :) Especially with this week's addition: potatoes!!!! I tried them last month and she had explosive diarrhea and horrrrrid stomach pains. But there was a flu going around and I was hopeful it was a coincidence... this week no problem! P is jumping for joy and we are having his favorite soup tonight! Poor kid, always having to worry about his sis's limitations. Poor sister, always seeing her hero eat shit she can't. Food issues and multiple kids Suck.
OH! And Speech. She is loving the talking. And we love that, though there is still a ton we don't get ;) I don't sign with her too much these days. She still uses the signs she's learned, but we're tending to add words now, instead of signs. Her verbal skills sometimes shock me. She speaks in lots of 4 word sentences. Like, "I go bye-by Papa." And, true to her really, really communicative nature, she will then expand on exactly what she meant by that. "Walk, ME, and Papa. Bye-bye!" One night, about a month ago, she suddenly started parsing pronouns. E and I were just sitting there, with our mouths kinda hanging open. "I." And she pointed to herself. "Me." And she pointed to herself again. "I, me, Zia." Then she pointed at E and said, "He. Papa. You." Ummm, yah, kid, that's right.... You know you're only a year and a half, right? Could you slow the EFFF down, please?
Wow, I WILL post this today, a month or so after starting it...
What was left that I wanted to note... Sleep. Has been horrible the last two months. She's been getting in her molars and her canines all at once and (apparently) notices the pain most at night. Which leads to lots and lots of night nursing. (And day nursing too, since she wasn't really eating much...) She also seems to have a really active dream life, which is interrupting her sleep. She wakes up talking about her dreams or calling out complaints ("Mine!! I want it!" lol) about what is happening in her dream. But just in the last week or so, she slept a couple hours a few times and I think once she kicks the cold that has tackled her this weekend (ahh, can I just admit to almost shaking with stress when her fever started to climb? No seizures though :) she may just be ready to sleeeeeeep!
She's still napping each afternoon, though she has started to disagree with the idea some days. I wonder if she'll stop napping really early like P did. She already only sleeps about 12 hours in a 24 hour period (a couple hours short for her age, but it is really all she seems to be able to clock - and she wakes up happy and ready to rumble:) P will be simultaneously devastated and elated when she drops her nap. He really needs that focused time with me each afternoon (though poor Z never gets focused time with me, sigh) but being tied to the house each afternoon really limits his social life. She is a horrible out and about napper (P rocked it in the Ergo!), so we plan everything around being home for it (and not being en route home for it, as she is, apparently, the only baby on earth that absolutely, positively hates sleeping in her car-seat...) I guess we'll see how it goes when it goes :)
This is a babbly boring post, I know. Too much for one post, really, but I haven't been taking the time to make frequent little posts... I want to remember each and every little thing and that makes for a fairly unorganized and dull blog, thought I think all of my readers have abandoned ship and I am now just journaling for the future...
I just don't want her baby-hood to careen into the void, unwritten and forgotten! Especially since I am finding her babyhood (fine, toddlerhood:) absolutely awesome. I just adore her. She is an ornery little lightning bolt who can be so sweet and caring it kills me. And I am enjoying this toddlerhood in a way that I didn't with my first... Insert guilt. Not that I didn't love little P, (Obviously!!!) just that the adjustment to his total tyranny over my every moment was really rough and the sleep deprivation/insomnia/first-time-mamahood/cancer/multiple moves combo painted a thin veil of stress over the whole period. I'm settled in this time and just able to enjoy the ride.
And though two (as I realized when E took her hiking and I only had P the other day and suddenly felt like I was on vacation) is just immeasurably more than one, I also love the two kid dynamic. P points out (pretty regularly) how much easier life was as an only. And it's a really astute realization. Everything is a challenge at this age. If he leaves his stuff lying around, she will get into it. If he tries to set up a game or display, she will get into it. If he wants to read a book with me, she will make this impossible. And as of the last month, I feel like a sports referee. Which is Exactly why I always said I would only have One. And, silly, silly, woman, I thought the age gap would deter such frustrations. But, honestly? I think you put a semi-verbal toddler into any situation and somebody is going to feel like pulling their hair out (or will get their hair pulled out...) And, honestly? Having two little bodies to love this fiercely makes up for the fighting.
So P has some bald(ish) spots ;) And we all may be slightly deaf (oy, her shriek is shockingly powerful.) But by the grace of older age, E and I are laughing this time around. And I absolutely LOVE looking at him as she chucks her carrot soup across the room (or stands atop a board book and suddenly (even seeming to surprise herself) pisses all over it) and seeing his eye twinkle, while he sighs and reaches for some rags. Parenting with him the second time around rocks, too. We don't have to hash through all of the "approaches" or wade through what we grew up with and what we've read and what we've imagined. I guess, to sum up a very long (picture-less to boot! (isn't that what Instagram is for?;)) post, I'm enjoying aging. Especially surrounded by the people whom are aging with me.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Sitting vigil
For the third night in a row, I am sitting vigil. Waiting for P to get better, my poor, little stoic. His fever just isn't responding to meds, racing crazy high and he is miserable. Brief reprieves bring it only into the 102 range, poor kid. So I switch out ice packs and listen to him mutter in his nightmare filled semi-sleep. I am ready for summer.
He started antibiotics today with a dx for tonsillitis. I had assumed he had the silly fever flu Z had last week, until I saw his lymph nodes this morning. Oh, the swelling is unbelievable. And painful.
I laughed to the Dr. today that at least P was safe from seizures and she said, um, not with as high as his fever has been. Honestly, I don't think I can go there. Not P.
Sweet Z had another seizure last week. I was watching for it, keeping her medicated, staying up at night, checking her fever religiously, and still she had one. It was mid-day, which, ridiculously enough, made it so much easier, the darkness made the last one too confusing. She was in the wrap and I gently swayed her and told her it was gonna be Just Fine. We know this routine and we can totally handle it. Then she started going blue and then more blue and then she was just deathly blue with her eyes rolled back and she wasn't moving and it was awful.
Poor P, trying to call 911 again. Thank absolutely all that there is, Alicia came up to save us, talking to 911 while I buddy breathed with Z. I cannot stress how much I love being their neighbor every day. That emotion is in overdrive now :)
Z is completely fine. She walked funny for a day after that episode, but she is lovely and perfect now. But I think her fragility has imparted a new fragility on me. P has always felt strong to me, his illnesses never worry me. Now, I sit vigil. Of course, the flip side of worry is thankfulness, so there is that:)
He started antibiotics today with a dx for tonsillitis. I had assumed he had the silly fever flu Z had last week, until I saw his lymph nodes this morning. Oh, the swelling is unbelievable. And painful.
I laughed to the Dr. today that at least P was safe from seizures and she said, um, not with as high as his fever has been. Honestly, I don't think I can go there. Not P.
Sweet Z had another seizure last week. I was watching for it, keeping her medicated, staying up at night, checking her fever religiously, and still she had one. It was mid-day, which, ridiculously enough, made it so much easier, the darkness made the last one too confusing. She was in the wrap and I gently swayed her and told her it was gonna be Just Fine. We know this routine and we can totally handle it. Then she started going blue and then more blue and then she was just deathly blue with her eyes rolled back and she wasn't moving and it was awful.
Poor P, trying to call 911 again. Thank absolutely all that there is, Alicia came up to save us, talking to 911 while I buddy breathed with Z. I cannot stress how much I love being their neighbor every day. That emotion is in overdrive now :)
Z is completely fine. She walked funny for a day after that episode, but she is lovely and perfect now. But I think her fragility has imparted a new fragility on me. P has always felt strong to me, his illnesses never worry me. Now, I sit vigil. Of course, the flip side of worry is thankfulness, so there is that:)
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Florida recap!
I want to get some Florida shots up before it fades... We had a great trip. Very laid back. I took the kids to the beach one windy day, which was a big hit with both. Mom and I chased them around Jungle Gardens (gators and flamingos oh my!) We visited Uncle Cash and Aunt Maria. Hunted for alligators by mule (for hours.) My folks took the kids to see chickens and Clydesdale horses, also a huge hit. But mostly we just hung with Grams and Gramps, making messes and noise;). I'm always amazed we don't drive my parents bat shit crazy...
Honestly, they are so awesome. Really, really great grandparents. I love how dedicated they are, how they put their lives on hold to lavish the kids with attention. It's adorable to see my father on the floor, helping load a nerf gun full of darts. Or, after pulling toys from the pool, watch him chuckle as Z throws each toy back in with a serious look of determination. My mother must still be exhausted from trying to meet all or our dietary restraints (and pick up the dirt we tracked in daily.) She sweetly ran to the store constantly, making sure we had food that Z would not react to. I would post pics of the hours and hours she spent playing with the children, but she somehow seems to slip out of each shot....(AHEM!) So here are a few, though they aren't fully representational of our visit: (sorry if there are repeats, I've lost track :)
The beginning of our trip overlapped with my big bro's visit! Soooo happy to get to see him!
tiny pirate. she loved the pool and P's float.
haha - caught you mom ;)
Jungle Gardens! This flamingo snuck up on P ;) We also got to see a alligator thrashing and growling!
E came back from NYC tired ;)
The drive received a shell load while we were there (nice timing, Mom!) and the Little Man just HAD to collect. This is how I found him one afternoon. He spent HOURS out there.
The bath there has glass doors and the kids had THE best time (seriously, THE BEST TIME) throwing water at each other and laughing. Unfortunately, Z tries to repeat this each bath here at home... (yah, we doN'T have glass doors ;)
P actually caught a lizard. Built it a habitat. Dug for worms to feed it. And, most fortunately, let the poor thing go the following day :)
Sweet Aunt Maria gave the kids fun glasses!
It was fabulous fun to see P transition from P being his beach bud to Z being his sandy playmate. They had a great time, despite the chill and we even all waded into the water. Then they were wet and cold and ready to get back to Grams' ;)
Goodbyes were tough. We HATE leaving them.
The long flights sucked, no lie. But the kids were travel troopers. And nobody puked, pooped or came down with hives or fevers this time!
Random Florida walk photo I'm too lazy to move (really, its a pain. Promise;)
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Zia: her 15th, 16th and 17th months
I really, really wish I was doing better at keeping up the blog. Babies change so damn fast. And P says the greatest things these days. But by the time we all turn the lights out, scanning emails or posting pics on Instagram is about all I'm in the mood for most nights. Any extra energy some night? Well, that goes to reading about blueberry bushes for the backyard or how to build a sandbox or finding a new recipe for our crazy diets... (Long story short, Daddy, you might wanna get the Instagram app to get through the next few months, but I'll do my best ;)
So her 15th, 16th and this, her 17th month. How to sum? Z is huge. Seriously. Last night Superman said she seems a lot bigger than one and a half and I so agree. There was a period a few months ago, at about 15 months, where there was Lots of Shrieking. She had ideas, but getting us to implement them, well ;). But her language has exploded and she is making herself pretty clear these days. And she appears to understand absolutely everything we say. *And* she has already learned the power of a well placed "please." Especially *her* pleases. Omg. She spans about 5 octaves as she says the word, ending in the most impish grin imaginable. Even P is putty.
That and the power of the "wink." She fell head over heels in love with her cousin in Florida. Yah, he's in his twenties ;). And while I applaud her first choice, I was equally appalled that she was so smitten so young. (P has yet to really get a good crush going.). She would just gaze at Josh, or follow him, or sit on his lap, or wink at him. It's a double eye wink, something she picked up from Gramps (who actually manages a normal, single eye wink;) that she then started using on Josh. She has asked for him every day since we've returned to Oregon (having made up a sign for him;). She signs him and horses and love and bye bye and car and airplane and there are lots of words mixed into this story of longing.... And then she repeats the whole thing again.
But that sums her up, really. She is a communicator. A serious storyteller. I've teased Superman for years that I need an external processor in my daily life and, well, I got one. She is STILL telling the story of how she broke the window upstairs. If she falls down, she reenacts the trauma, looking at her listener and jabbering away, telling exactly what happened, fake cries and facial expressions and all. She also reads body language really well. Something my resident males seriously fail at ;). And she eavesdrops. Just because she looks busy stacking those blocks in no way means she isn't listening to Everything you are saying. And will then suddenly pop up and interrupt excitedly to add to the conversation. With the boys? If I don't have eye contact and they are already doing anything, I can safely assume they can't/won't/don't hear a word I'm saying :)
Sooo, I'm trying to think of favorites at this age.... Bananas. Avocado. Bacon. Ohhhh she loves bacon. You should see her face when she sees bacon. Meat (and fruit) in general is a fave for her, but bacon, it holds a special spot in her hot hands and heart. Honey. She got a taste and thinks it is Amazing :) And ICE. She is positively obsessed with ice. In fact, she became so obsessed with it in Florida (where there was an - omg, Zia! - ice making machine!!!;) that I thought she'd lost it and gone all OCD on me. Seriously, she was waking in the middle of the night, screaming for it. Begging for it alllll day. Um, no, total idiot of a Mama. No OCD, she was just getting a bunch of molars and so smart that she was self medicating.
What else.... Dancing. Music. The stuff calms her soul so fast it's silly. With P, all ills required nursing. Emotional, physical, just out of sorts, the kid had to nurse. Z does not. But she does need movement. If basic bouncing/dancing doesn't do it, I start singing a song and she will Instantly lay her head down on my shoulder and stop sobbing. Sometimes I can get her to go to sleep at night by singing rather than nursing, too. Mind boggling to me :)
And she loves people. I've mentioned it before, but I'm still so surprised at the total difference that I'll blather again, she is suuuuuch a people person compared to P as a baby. (Are the constant comparisons getting old yet? Too bad - I find them fascinating and, obviously, can't say any of it out loud;) When Superman comes in the door at night she ruuuuuns through the house crooning this throaty "Paaaaaapaaaaaaaaa!!" and flings herself at him. She was (mostly) fabulous heading out the door with my folks in Florida, going for gator rides or walks to the horses. Despite having seen not nearly enough of my brothers in her short life, she was thrilled to be held by her Uncles, diving into their arms. And she happily warmed right up to her Aunt Maria, perching on her lap our last night, full of smiles. (I can't wait for the Schultz onslaught this summer. She will be in heaven with all of the visitors.) She is still obsessed with her Aunt and Uncle and baby Cousin next door - and last, but not least, her brother.
This has been the biggest area of growth in the last three months. She has gotten bigger, stronger, more balanced and more verbal so that she can now run with the big boy. And this makes them both So Happy. Usually ;). Their games are getting more two sided (think wrestling matches), rather than just P entertaining her. And so his appreciation for her grows, and thus his want to play with her and its just a lovely circle to watch. Usually ;). The new thing in her 17th month has been following her brother's instructions. A game Phoenix finds endlessly fabulous and that I have to sometimes walk away from :).
For example. "Zia, Zia, say 'Diiiiiiiiieeeeee! And run after me." So she grins hugely, screams Die and runs, chasing him while he giggles and shrieks and skitters through the house. This, this will go over so well on the playground when she sees some unsuspecting little first born toddler and scares the ever loving patooey out of him.
So we (P and I) occasionally chat about what seeds are helpful to plant, and what seeds are Not.
She is getting so competent and helpful, too. I use the word helpful in a loose way, here, but really, she loves to "help." To help get her self dressed, with her shirt on backwards and her pants on the same leg. She loves to take her nap-time diaper off and put it in the laundry room. And then she typically helps by pressing the buttons on the washing machine while she is back there, leading me to find stalled loads later that day... She loves to help clean the floor, spilling her sippy all over and then grabbing whatever fabric she can find, maybe even my sweater, to wipe it up. She loves to help take clothes out of the closet when she sees me organizing and create her own methodology that Should Not Be Interrupted or Changed. She likes to help weed the garden, occasionally including the beets. Well, you get the idea. She watches us work and mimics her heart out :). I find it unbearably precious. She tries So Damn Hard. Phoenix was consistently frustrated with these well intended mistranslations of life for a while, angrily correcting her, but he's starting to chuckle at it these days, too.
Because its hard not to. In fact, the other day he was telling her how frustrated he was with her, using words she doesn't know yet, ahem, and when he finished his frustrated sentence she beamed the biggest grin at him... and told him she loves him.
Obviously, he forgot he was mad :)
And that brings me to my last updatey thing for these three months. She is unbelievably full of hugs and kisses and love. Hearing her sweet little voice say "I love you" kiiiiills me.
Oh. And zippers. That's the big thing this week. She Loves Zippers. Maybe it's good I only update occasionally so that we are saved such banalities ;)
So her 15th, 16th and this, her 17th month. How to sum? Z is huge. Seriously. Last night Superman said she seems a lot bigger than one and a half and I so agree. There was a period a few months ago, at about 15 months, where there was Lots of Shrieking. She had ideas, but getting us to implement them, well ;). But her language has exploded and she is making herself pretty clear these days. And she appears to understand absolutely everything we say. *And* she has already learned the power of a well placed "please." Especially *her* pleases. Omg. She spans about 5 octaves as she says the word, ending in the most impish grin imaginable. Even P is putty.
That and the power of the "wink." She fell head over heels in love with her cousin in Florida. Yah, he's in his twenties ;). And while I applaud her first choice, I was equally appalled that she was so smitten so young. (P has yet to really get a good crush going.). She would just gaze at Josh, or follow him, or sit on his lap, or wink at him. It's a double eye wink, something she picked up from Gramps (who actually manages a normal, single eye wink;) that she then started using on Josh. She has asked for him every day since we've returned to Oregon (having made up a sign for him;). She signs him and horses and love and bye bye and car and airplane and there are lots of words mixed into this story of longing.... And then she repeats the whole thing again.
But that sums her up, really. She is a communicator. A serious storyteller. I've teased Superman for years that I need an external processor in my daily life and, well, I got one. She is STILL telling the story of how she broke the window upstairs. If she falls down, she reenacts the trauma, looking at her listener and jabbering away, telling exactly what happened, fake cries and facial expressions and all. She also reads body language really well. Something my resident males seriously fail at ;). And she eavesdrops. Just because she looks busy stacking those blocks in no way means she isn't listening to Everything you are saying. And will then suddenly pop up and interrupt excitedly to add to the conversation. With the boys? If I don't have eye contact and they are already doing anything, I can safely assume they can't/won't/don't hear a word I'm saying :)
Sooo, I'm trying to think of favorites at this age.... Bananas. Avocado. Bacon. Ohhhh she loves bacon. You should see her face when she sees bacon. Meat (and fruit) in general is a fave for her, but bacon, it holds a special spot in her hot hands and heart. Honey. She got a taste and thinks it is Amazing :) And ICE. She is positively obsessed with ice. In fact, she became so obsessed with it in Florida (where there was an - omg, Zia! - ice making machine!!!;) that I thought she'd lost it and gone all OCD on me. Seriously, she was waking in the middle of the night, screaming for it. Begging for it alllll day. Um, no, total idiot of a Mama. No OCD, she was just getting a bunch of molars and so smart that she was self medicating.
What else.... Dancing. Music. The stuff calms her soul so fast it's silly. With P, all ills required nursing. Emotional, physical, just out of sorts, the kid had to nurse. Z does not. But she does need movement. If basic bouncing/dancing doesn't do it, I start singing a song and she will Instantly lay her head down on my shoulder and stop sobbing. Sometimes I can get her to go to sleep at night by singing rather than nursing, too. Mind boggling to me :)
And she loves people. I've mentioned it before, but I'm still so surprised at the total difference that I'll blather again, she is suuuuuch a people person compared to P as a baby. (Are the constant comparisons getting old yet? Too bad - I find them fascinating and, obviously, can't say any of it out loud;) When Superman comes in the door at night she ruuuuuns through the house crooning this throaty "Paaaaaapaaaaaaaaa!!" and flings herself at him. She was (mostly) fabulous heading out the door with my folks in Florida, going for gator rides or walks to the horses. Despite having seen not nearly enough of my brothers in her short life, she was thrilled to be held by her Uncles, diving into their arms. And she happily warmed right up to her Aunt Maria, perching on her lap our last night, full of smiles. (I can't wait for the Schultz onslaught this summer. She will be in heaven with all of the visitors.) She is still obsessed with her Aunt and Uncle and baby Cousin next door - and last, but not least, her brother.
This has been the biggest area of growth in the last three months. She has gotten bigger, stronger, more balanced and more verbal so that she can now run with the big boy. And this makes them both So Happy. Usually ;). Their games are getting more two sided (think wrestling matches), rather than just P entertaining her. And so his appreciation for her grows, and thus his want to play with her and its just a lovely circle to watch. Usually ;). The new thing in her 17th month has been following her brother's instructions. A game Phoenix finds endlessly fabulous and that I have to sometimes walk away from :).
For example. "Zia, Zia, say 'Diiiiiiiiieeeeee! And run after me." So she grins hugely, screams Die and runs, chasing him while he giggles and shrieks and skitters through the house. This, this will go over so well on the playground when she sees some unsuspecting little first born toddler and scares the ever loving patooey out of him.
So we (P and I) occasionally chat about what seeds are helpful to plant, and what seeds are Not.
She is getting so competent and helpful, too. I use the word helpful in a loose way, here, but really, she loves to "help." To help get her self dressed, with her shirt on backwards and her pants on the same leg. She loves to take her nap-time diaper off and put it in the laundry room. And then she typically helps by pressing the buttons on the washing machine while she is back there, leading me to find stalled loads later that day... She loves to help clean the floor, spilling her sippy all over and then grabbing whatever fabric she can find, maybe even my sweater, to wipe it up. She loves to help take clothes out of the closet when she sees me organizing and create her own methodology that Should Not Be Interrupted or Changed. She likes to help weed the garden, occasionally including the beets. Well, you get the idea. She watches us work and mimics her heart out :). I find it unbearably precious. She tries So Damn Hard. Phoenix was consistently frustrated with these well intended mistranslations of life for a while, angrily correcting her, but he's starting to chuckle at it these days, too.
Because its hard not to. In fact, the other day he was telling her how frustrated he was with her, using words she doesn't know yet, ahem, and when he finished his frustrated sentence she beamed the biggest grin at him... and told him she loves him.
Obviously, he forgot he was mad :)
And that brings me to my last updatey thing for these three months. She is unbelievably full of hugs and kisses and love. Hearing her sweet little voice say "I love you" kiiiiills me.
Oh. And zippers. That's the big thing this week. She Loves Zippers. Maybe it's good I only update occasionally so that we are saved such banalities ;)
Excuses, or a big ol' general update.
I can't believe I've missed Z's updates for...four months - eek! Well, I can believe it, but my father cannot ;)
Life has been so busy. We go all day long and then we all crash at 10 (poor Superman can barely keep his hardworking eyes open by then!) Days are a mix of crazy busy and then wide open stretches, due to Winter and its typical germy chaos. (As we saw when E went back to Kansas and all of our plans fell through because all of our buds got sick!) This winter's weather has proven to be just as lovely as last year's, so we're often on a walk or playing in the park or, if Z has her way, down the block at the playground;). Toss in some playdates, attempted gardening time (I'm trying to plan the yard and implement those ideas - ha!) and home reno stuff (removing carpet and subfloor or painting or such), sprinkle in the usual suspects of cooking and cleaning and life feels Busy. But all very low key and lovely.
When I feel frustrated that we are so busy but aren't doing even More (cuz we really aren't doing that much:) I must remind myself how much time goes towards food prep and the resulting cleaning. While I can't imagine a life of Lunchables, I sure as hell can see the allure of easy to grab grub. After almost a year and a half of working to figure out all of Z's allergies, there are still so many unknowns. Poor Z's skin has been a mess for the last two months and I am working my ass off trying to figure out what the triggers are. It started unraveling when we went back to Kansas (yeesh, I guess that makes it 5 months...) I added lots of foods then, travel is tricky. I've since dropped all of those foods and a few more, trying to piece the puzzle together while simultaneously swearing to not cut corners and add foods too quickly when traveling again. Her sleep and skin got to an all time low for a while with her waking dozens of times each night, screaming. That's when I drastically dropped foods and things improved. Florida threw it all off again. I think we are finally back on track, her skin is, while not healed, not getting any worse this week :). I'll list what we are actively avoiding as triggers below, but there are still gads of good eats I haven't even tested yet that Z and I still aren't eating:
Beans - except pinto. This includes lentils and green beans (newly avoided) and peas.
Nuts - all nuts are a no.
Seeds - all seeds - sesame, chia, pumpkin and sunflower. (Sunflower oil is in everything!)
Extended Squash family. Cukes, acorn, zucchini, watermelon, you name it.
Potatoes, yams and sweet potatoes.
Corn. This one yields the greatest complexity, as it is in all vitamins, baking powder, vanilla, oh the list is endless, really.
Citrus. This is the newest realization and why I think things are finally clearing up.
Oats.
The list doesn't look that bad, really. Some days it feels insanely limiting (like if we are out and want to just grab a bite - which is absolutely impossible), but most days it doesn't seem too bad. We've been doing this long enough that making our own everything from scratch is second nature. Not eating out is now the norm. But this type of living, it eats time up!
So how are we, other than lame-yet-busy? ;)
P, though down with our post-flight cold today (thus the blogging during nap-time!) is doing really, really well. He seems happy and adjusted here. So much more so than in NYC, but that could be an age thing. He spends scads of time making lego creations. He absolutely adores his yard. And digging into long books with me during nap-time. He has made some really sweet friends that come over each week and share his various loves. (He is responding really well to friends coming over to our house to play - which is kinda new for him and a freaking blessing for me (since watching Z in other people's non baby proofed homes can be a nightmare for all involved - lol!)) His gut seems to finally be balancing back out (we've been working hard on that for the last year) and his foods are expanding again and his cravings are gone. This has directly corresponded with his intense separation anxiety dissipating (a side effect to candida overgrowth for some kids), which is a boon to all of us, but especially him. He's even noticed that he's not as nervous that I'll disappear :). And to top it off, he and his sister are becoming serious buds. He told me last week that he's decided it, he really likes her. Phew ;)
Superman has been, as Superman always is, working his butt off. He gets up in the dark to meet his NYC hours, biking home 12 or more hours later and coming through the door ready to rumble with the kids. Well, sometimes it's less rumble, more relax, but the kids don't seem to get that hint ;). But he, too, seems so much happier than in NYC. The commute there wore. him. down. He visited the NYC office for meetings a couple weeks ago and was happy to report that he didn't pine as he walked the Brooklyn Bridge (we seriously, seriously, seriously pined last time we moved away from Brooklyn.). Portland feels like home for him. Especially now that family is here (can you say soooo awesome to have sweet family as neighbors?!?!?!?).
And me, I'm content, too. All of the "should I be doing this, should I be doing that?" seems less loud (though not *gone*;) these days. Days are so busy, all of the time I spent in my head (or reading) for the first, oh, 36 years ;) isn't available and I'm finding the non-stop action harmonious as a type of living meditation. That's not to say that a rare, quiet nap-time like today isn't still fab ;). But I'm really enjoying being in the moment and all of the moments being filled, whether by something wonderful or even just the dirty dishes. It all seems good.
And Z, well, she really should get her own update. Four months at her age is a lifetime ;)
Life has been so busy. We go all day long and then we all crash at 10 (poor Superman can barely keep his hardworking eyes open by then!) Days are a mix of crazy busy and then wide open stretches, due to Winter and its typical germy chaos. (As we saw when E went back to Kansas and all of our plans fell through because all of our buds got sick!) This winter's weather has proven to be just as lovely as last year's, so we're often on a walk or playing in the park or, if Z has her way, down the block at the playground;). Toss in some playdates, attempted gardening time (I'm trying to plan the yard and implement those ideas - ha!) and home reno stuff (removing carpet and subfloor or painting or such), sprinkle in the usual suspects of cooking and cleaning and life feels Busy. But all very low key and lovely.
When I feel frustrated that we are so busy but aren't doing even More (cuz we really aren't doing that much:) I must remind myself how much time goes towards food prep and the resulting cleaning. While I can't imagine a life of Lunchables, I sure as hell can see the allure of easy to grab grub. After almost a year and a half of working to figure out all of Z's allergies, there are still so many unknowns. Poor Z's skin has been a mess for the last two months and I am working my ass off trying to figure out what the triggers are. It started unraveling when we went back to Kansas (yeesh, I guess that makes it 5 months...) I added lots of foods then, travel is tricky. I've since dropped all of those foods and a few more, trying to piece the puzzle together while simultaneously swearing to not cut corners and add foods too quickly when traveling again. Her sleep and skin got to an all time low for a while with her waking dozens of times each night, screaming. That's when I drastically dropped foods and things improved. Florida threw it all off again. I think we are finally back on track, her skin is, while not healed, not getting any worse this week :). I'll list what we are actively avoiding as triggers below, but there are still gads of good eats I haven't even tested yet that Z and I still aren't eating:
Beans - except pinto. This includes lentils and green beans (newly avoided) and peas.
Nuts - all nuts are a no.
Seeds - all seeds - sesame, chia, pumpkin and sunflower. (Sunflower oil is in everything!)
Extended Squash family. Cukes, acorn, zucchini, watermelon, you name it.
Potatoes, yams and sweet potatoes.
Corn. This one yields the greatest complexity, as it is in all vitamins, baking powder, vanilla, oh the list is endless, really.
Citrus. This is the newest realization and why I think things are finally clearing up.
Oats.
The list doesn't look that bad, really. Some days it feels insanely limiting (like if we are out and want to just grab a bite - which is absolutely impossible), but most days it doesn't seem too bad. We've been doing this long enough that making our own everything from scratch is second nature. Not eating out is now the norm. But this type of living, it eats time up!
So how are we, other than lame-yet-busy? ;)
P, though down with our post-flight cold today (thus the blogging during nap-time!) is doing really, really well. He seems happy and adjusted here. So much more so than in NYC, but that could be an age thing. He spends scads of time making lego creations. He absolutely adores his yard. And digging into long books with me during nap-time. He has made some really sweet friends that come over each week and share his various loves. (He is responding really well to friends coming over to our house to play - which is kinda new for him and a freaking blessing for me (since watching Z in other people's non baby proofed homes can be a nightmare for all involved - lol!)) His gut seems to finally be balancing back out (we've been working hard on that for the last year) and his foods are expanding again and his cravings are gone. This has directly corresponded with his intense separation anxiety dissipating (a side effect to candida overgrowth for some kids), which is a boon to all of us, but especially him. He's even noticed that he's not as nervous that I'll disappear :). And to top it off, he and his sister are becoming serious buds. He told me last week that he's decided it, he really likes her. Phew ;)
Superman has been, as Superman always is, working his butt off. He gets up in the dark to meet his NYC hours, biking home 12 or more hours later and coming through the door ready to rumble with the kids. Well, sometimes it's less rumble, more relax, but the kids don't seem to get that hint ;). But he, too, seems so much happier than in NYC. The commute there wore. him. down. He visited the NYC office for meetings a couple weeks ago and was happy to report that he didn't pine as he walked the Brooklyn Bridge (we seriously, seriously, seriously pined last time we moved away from Brooklyn.). Portland feels like home for him. Especially now that family is here (can you say soooo awesome to have sweet family as neighbors?!?!?!?).
And me, I'm content, too. All of the "should I be doing this, should I be doing that?" seems less loud (though not *gone*;) these days. Days are so busy, all of the time I spent in my head (or reading) for the first, oh, 36 years ;) isn't available and I'm finding the non-stop action harmonious as a type of living meditation. That's not to say that a rare, quiet nap-time like today isn't still fab ;). But I'm really enjoying being in the moment and all of the moments being filled, whether by something wonderful or even just the dirty dishes. It all seems good.
And Z, well, she really should get her own update. Four months at her age is a lifetime ;)
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Thankfulness
This post started out a Z's monthly(ish) update and swerved sideways, lol. Update to come next :)
I can't believe how much bigger Z seems in the last two months. Sense of humor, really high jumps, quite a few sentences, and she's found her "no." And I find it so adorable that I actually enjoy each and every one.
I'm actually finding pretty much everything adorable these days. I have to play it cool in public, so as not to be one of those cloying parents, grinning ear to ear, muttering under her breath, "she said "hi," wasn't that precious?!"
Part of this is that this is just a really cute age. The ornery smile, the dimple. The run while laughing. Part of it is a bit of Mama trauma I need to work through. The upside to something scary for me is thankfulness and appreciation.
I haven't talked about what happened because it was too much, but I'm hoping telling the tale in brief bits will be cathartic :).
P and Z got really sick with the flu this last month. 104-105 fevers. And in the night (just after E went to work) Z's fever rocketed and she had a seizure. Fortunately, she was laying on me, I had just taken her temp. I instantly recalled Superman's parents mentioning his babyhood febrile seizures, but to be honest, in the dark of the night, this familiarity wasn't too much solace. As I swept her up to take her to the bathtub (what they did in their story) she went limp. Totally limp, and her sweet little form dangling from my arms was terrifying. I called to a sleeping Phoenix to call 911 (I had magically just installed a 911 app on my phone and talked him through it the day before). He tried, but the poor, feverish kid was like a deer in the headlights, flipping through the phone in sleepy shock. I'll never forget his voice to the dispatcher, his fear, what he said, it will haunt me forever. Sweet Z was choking, she was not breathing at all and her lack of sound and movement once her seizure stopped was horrifying. I started mouth to mouth and yelled my address to the 911 guy. He wanted to chat - so many questions, but I had to nicely tell him to piss off after he had my address and knew that a 1 year old was choking. All of me was focused on Z and keeping her here.
Afterwards, I was impressed by how realistically the movies nail the whole CPR-puking-to-breathing scenario. A little more mouth to mouth and I turned her to her side as she vomited again and again. And she breathed, and cried.
There was a swarm of men in my house soon after. I turned down a trip in the ambulance, thinking the last thing two flu stricken kids needed was an ER full of germs. They checked out Z, as much as the sobbing child would let them, and left just as the sun came up.
One haunting realization with this was that the people trained to help aren't there when you need them. The ER docs and the paramedics, they don't live here. And while they we fast, they wouldn't have been fast enough. And going to the hospital post trauma is pointless. (I needed post trauma therapy of a different kind :)
But Z did end up taking a ride in an ambulance a few hours later. Superman came home and we both lay cuddling Z's finally sleeping form. But her fever wouldn't stay down with medicine and when it rushed up again our doc told us to call 911. Again.
Come to find out, I have a big block against calling 911. I mean, when Z wasn't breathing I didn't hesitate. But she didn't seem That Emergent to me. Another seizure wouldn't kill her and riding in an ambulance wouldn't *prevent* one. Understandably, we couldn't strap her in her recumbent car seat and me drive her, as we'd already found out how seizures and choking suck. Blech. So off we went, E staying home with a horribly sick P. Thank gawd for Superman.
I wondered for days afterward how long the awful images and immense thankfulness would stick with me. How long before they fade like a scar. I haven't reached that point yet :) Ever since E was diagnosed with cancer, I've had a really heightened level of thanks that he just IS. And that certainly spread to my kids. But this took it up another notch and I find myself giving silent thanks every day that I still have Z.
Soooo, long story short, if my blog about how stupendously fabulous my offspring are wasn't cloying enough before, well, watch out ;). I'll try to not set off gag reflexes too often :)
I can't believe how much bigger Z seems in the last two months. Sense of humor, really high jumps, quite a few sentences, and she's found her "no." And I find it so adorable that I actually enjoy each and every one.
I'm actually finding pretty much everything adorable these days. I have to play it cool in public, so as not to be one of those cloying parents, grinning ear to ear, muttering under her breath, "she said "hi," wasn't that precious?!"
Part of this is that this is just a really cute age. The ornery smile, the dimple. The run while laughing. Part of it is a bit of Mama trauma I need to work through. The upside to something scary for me is thankfulness and appreciation.
I haven't talked about what happened because it was too much, but I'm hoping telling the tale in brief bits will be cathartic :).
P and Z got really sick with the flu this last month. 104-105 fevers. And in the night (just after E went to work) Z's fever rocketed and she had a seizure. Fortunately, she was laying on me, I had just taken her temp. I instantly recalled Superman's parents mentioning his babyhood febrile seizures, but to be honest, in the dark of the night, this familiarity wasn't too much solace. As I swept her up to take her to the bathtub (what they did in their story) she went limp. Totally limp, and her sweet little form dangling from my arms was terrifying. I called to a sleeping Phoenix to call 911 (I had magically just installed a 911 app on my phone and talked him through it the day before). He tried, but the poor, feverish kid was like a deer in the headlights, flipping through the phone in sleepy shock. I'll never forget his voice to the dispatcher, his fear, what he said, it will haunt me forever. Sweet Z was choking, she was not breathing at all and her lack of sound and movement once her seizure stopped was horrifying. I started mouth to mouth and yelled my address to the 911 guy. He wanted to chat - so many questions, but I had to nicely tell him to piss off after he had my address and knew that a 1 year old was choking. All of me was focused on Z and keeping her here.
Afterwards, I was impressed by how realistically the movies nail the whole CPR-puking-to-breathing scenario. A little more mouth to mouth and I turned her to her side as she vomited again and again. And she breathed, and cried.
There was a swarm of men in my house soon after. I turned down a trip in the ambulance, thinking the last thing two flu stricken kids needed was an ER full of germs. They checked out Z, as much as the sobbing child would let them, and left just as the sun came up.
One haunting realization with this was that the people trained to help aren't there when you need them. The ER docs and the paramedics, they don't live here. And while they we fast, they wouldn't have been fast enough. And going to the hospital post trauma is pointless. (I needed post trauma therapy of a different kind :)
But Z did end up taking a ride in an ambulance a few hours later. Superman came home and we both lay cuddling Z's finally sleeping form. But her fever wouldn't stay down with medicine and when it rushed up again our doc told us to call 911. Again.
Come to find out, I have a big block against calling 911. I mean, when Z wasn't breathing I didn't hesitate. But she didn't seem That Emergent to me. Another seizure wouldn't kill her and riding in an ambulance wouldn't *prevent* one. Understandably, we couldn't strap her in her recumbent car seat and me drive her, as we'd already found out how seizures and choking suck. Blech. So off we went, E staying home with a horribly sick P. Thank gawd for Superman.
I wondered for days afterward how long the awful images and immense thankfulness would stick with me. How long before they fade like a scar. I haven't reached that point yet :) Ever since E was diagnosed with cancer, I've had a really heightened level of thanks that he just IS. And that certainly spread to my kids. But this took it up another notch and I find myself giving silent thanks every day that I still have Z.
Soooo, long story short, if my blog about how stupendously fabulous my offspring are wasn't cloying enough before, well, watch out ;). I'll try to not set off gag reflexes too often :)
Monday, March 4, 2013
Florida!
Seriously, going months at a time without seeing my folks kiiiiiiiills me (but not enough to live in Kansas;). And the highlight of P's very existence (according to P;), is visiting them in Florida. So, despite the almost deadly amount of air travel required, we have come to (as my mother calls it, and always in one, loving breath), sunnywarmSarasota.
P is in heaven.
Z .... she broke out in hives on the flight down, Then pooped. Then popped again. Have I mentioned how much I love changing diapers in tiny airplane bathrooms;) Then there may have been some screaming a few times in there. And for quite a while on the car-ride from the airport.... ("I WANT DOWN!!!!!!!!!"). But she made her first transcontinental vacay in one piece. Minus the hives, I guess :)
Now she is covered in rashes and getting in molars. She weathers her discomfort in typical Z style. Loudly. And sleeplessly. But man can she turn on the charm when Gramps or cousin Josh walk into the room :)
Back to P:). He spent vast amounts of time, pre-cold front, getting pruny in the pool. Then busied himself collecting seashells from the drive when the weather went south. He loves the smell of the air. Driving the mule. Chatting with his Gramps. Hanging out with Grams. The child, he is very, very happy. And this helps him recover from the fact that his sister makes popping into the car an act of sheer misery, thus deterring most Florida attractions. But, hey, the kid has shells and water and the most awesome of grandparents right here, no car ride needed. (just that damn, initial plane bit;)
P is in heaven.
Z .... she broke out in hives on the flight down, Then pooped. Then popped again. Have I mentioned how much I love changing diapers in tiny airplane bathrooms;) Then there may have been some screaming a few times in there. And for quite a while on the car-ride from the airport.... ("I WANT DOWN!!!!!!!!!"). But she made her first transcontinental vacay in one piece. Minus the hives, I guess :)
Now she is covered in rashes and getting in molars. She weathers her discomfort in typical Z style. Loudly. And sleeplessly. But man can she turn on the charm when Gramps or cousin Josh walk into the room :)
Back to P:). He spent vast amounts of time, pre-cold front, getting pruny in the pool. Then busied himself collecting seashells from the drive when the weather went south. He loves the smell of the air. Driving the mule. Chatting with his Gramps. Hanging out with Grams. The child, he is very, very happy. And this helps him recover from the fact that his sister makes popping into the car an act of sheer misery, thus deterring most Florida attractions. But, hey, the kid has shells and water and the most awesome of grandparents right here, no car ride needed. (just that damn, initial plane bit;)
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