The Itsy bitsy spider...

P, on our autumn hobble.

I am bound and determined to chronicle our family trip...someday ;) It'll be snowing out and I'll still be typing "what we did on our summer vacation...."

But we've been busy with... a silly spider bite.  Its simply insane to type that an arachnid could erase a week of walking, but its true.  Its hilarious something so small could down something so big, but it can.  Its shocking that a pinch of poison could produce unending, exquisite pain, but it does.  Along with the venom, a very serious respect for Mother Nature's pint-sized pets has crept into my Being this week.   Along with an endless stream of thanks that it did not bite the Little Man.

The child has been precious through it all.  When I was first looking up spider bites, he was right there, dragging over a chair and clambering up to see what I was seeing.  "Read it out loud, Mama." :)))  As E analyzed the spread of my six inch ring of raised redness all weekend, P would crouch there, serious eyes, studying and suggesting.  After my doctor visit, he repeatedly piped up with quotes from the doctor, reminding me of her instructions.  When he was displeased with the doctor's performance (a whole different disaster) he laid on the bed beside me and told me long stories about how he would... throw rocks at her head (along with other creative, erm, solutions ;)  As I swallowed enough raw garlic to float a pizza parlor (which I credit, along with sheer dumb luck, for the lack of infection in this fiasco thus far), the child offered up his own vitamin C's :)  He consistently told me he was sending my wound Lots Of Love.

And then, today,  thoroughly d.o.n.e. with the long days, trapped at home, standing surrounded by mountains of mixed-objects that I have been unable to pick up for him (and seemingly but silently wishing for a little more Mama play, but never once complaining!), he sighed and said that he sure wished that spider hadn't of bitten me ;)  I so agreed.  

But now that the pain isn't constant and nauseating, I can feel kinda thankful.  It simply gave me a chance to really say "screw it" to our house. Which I never can do for longer than.... half a day? (it adds up fast around here!)  And that alone stretched my mind in interesting ways, despite what CPS would think ;)   Plus, the kid seemed to feel all the piles were kinda fun...

But better yet, it gave P a chance to be super self-sufficient.  He's the kid (so far;) that experiences love through actions (hearing about it doesn't do it for him, physical affection isn't his cup of tea (though he requires lots of physical contact! Its a strange combo...), of course, he loves gifts (duh!) but his love language definitely seems to be actions.)  Its not laziness, he'll jump up to do something for us anytime.  Its just that when he asks us to tie his shoes or put on his t-shirt, its his way of saying, hey, I need love right now, here's how to love me.   And, typically, we're more than happy to show our love in the way he needs it.

But he knew it just wasn't possible this week.  So, he's completely dressed himself (each and every one of the multiple times a day that he changes clothes (which, of course, adds to that "piles" bit).  He's even found and fed himself a number of meals (in addition to bringing me food and water!) He's spent enormous amounts of time playing alone, seemingly happily.  Though he would occasionally forget the current cripple and zoom precariously close to my wound (watching E toss himself between us, screeching in protective horror was, I gotta admit, heartwarming;) The kid was just so understanding.  A number of times, he would start to ask me to do something and suddenly stop, remembering, with a "never mind - its ok."  I mean, he was still (almost!) six.  Its not like the laundry got done or anything ;)  But, honestly, the level of empathy from someone so short was kinda shocking.

So when the child finally sighed his dis-satisfaction, Guilt, ever the motivator for me ;) had me grimacing at my poor, pale faced, flat trapped child.  (The only downside to homeschooling: no substitute teacher.)  So we hobbled on a walk through the woods together.  Me, doped up on a whole Tylenol (I never take anything anymore, so that was huge for me :), him, holding my hand and going at my snail's pace.  We wandered to a meadow and just laid in the grass together, playing games with the sticks we found on the ground beside us.  The leaves were so gorgeous and the fresh breeze and the sun felt absolutely amazing.  I flash-backed to the Heidi Golden Book, feeling stronger just from being outdoors :)

E, on the other hand, scoffed at us when he found out we had lain in the meadow rather than on the mattress.  "Seriously?  I can't believe you guys would go back to the park and lay in the grass.  Last time you did that a spider bit you!"

But it couldn't happen again.  Right?  Which had me thinking about the improbability of it all.  The, according to my doctor, rarity of a true spider bite.  Could it be karma?  Something to produce a little more empathy in me towards E's arachnophobia?  I thought about it while I was brushing my teeth.  Seems like lots of lessons to help me understand loved ones have been surfacing lately, could be possible...  Then I started gut laughing, hysterically spitting toothpaste everywhere, remembering E's (over)reaction to a spider this summer.  Shit.  I'm chuckling just thinking about it now ;)  Ahhh, well, I must be a slow learner.  Guess I'm destined for another bite...  At least the empathetic kid should be in the clear!

Busy little bee

Bronx Zoo.  Lovin' those baby lion cubs!

My father sweetly sent me an email letting me know I'm behind :)  So, while I'm bound and determined to finish putting up pics of our summer trip before we head back to Kansas for our winter visit (yeesh), tonight is a quick catch up of our busy, busy days....

The child has chosen to participate in an art class every Wednesday and a book club every Friday.  After art typically finds us frolicking afar on some adventure and our post club E-free Fridays are our fun "date-night."  Tuesdays and Thursdays have been filled with playdates and errands and projects, leaving lowly Monday to supposedly catch up on housework... hah :)  Well, we had a great time in the park on a treasure hunt this Monday... the best  of intentions....

I know I've said it a million times before, but its soooo fascinating to watch the child go through cycles and seasons.  There has been a flurry of creativity and projects around here (more to come on that!).  He's jumping to play with his friends more and more interactively and is really excited about adventures.  Then, suddenly, like today, we c.r.a.s.h.  Despite the planned playdate (sorry, Dina!) the intake finally comes and respite has to be found.  We lolled and cuddled and crafted our way through the day in our p.j.'s  :)

At any rate, here's some quick phone pics from our fun-filled days....

Beach time, post summer filled frenzy.

I swear.  A soft frisbee is the only safe frisbee with a five year old ;)

P's freebie pedal bike.  The child biked all the way to Dumbo, played, then biked to Red Hook.  That's no joke.

Rocks in the park.

Bronx Zoo.  Mysterious tiger caravan and super cute cubs.

The Aviary was the one area P requested we hit.

The box house.  We've had it for 2 years (yah, store that shit in a Brooklyn pad!) and it has undergone a HUGE renovation this week... Pics of later stages to come.

The subway.  P got his first card.  He was hanging it out, all cool-like ;)

Hapkido trial class.  The child was So Focused.  The instructor even came up to us after class, amazed at the child's focus.  E, the proud Papa who had never seen the kid in a class before, was seriously beaming.  I had to chuckle from experience.  Give the child a chance to get comfy in a few more classes and he'll get as squirrelly as the rest of 'em :)  The instructor also handed out stickers for accomplishments.  It was fascinating to see a child raised without rewards focus on getting one :)

Treasure hunting with pals.

Awesome new climbing gym in the park.

Cooking.

Climbing some more!

Oh. And there is LOTS of Birthday and Halloween talk too.  Serious T-Minus mode here. Harry Potter has been chosen as Halloween inspiration and the child is beside himself with happiness, constantly wearing his costume in anticipatory glee (which, in and of itself is a huge change to his fancy-frock-free past).  To keep the vibes going, the child chooses his Harry Potter book each night for pre-bed reading.  Since the story is thoroughly memorized, the Little Man just thumbs to any ol' page and we read for as long as we want before nodding off to magic filled dreams.  But this is only after he expresses his sheer delight at all of his plans for the next day.  His love of life and fire for Do-ing and Be-ing is down right contagious.

Goals: greatest and otherwise...

P has had a long standing goal:  to host a slumber party.  Last night, it was finally realized.  The unbelievably amazing combo of Uncle Seth and Aunt Alicia schlepped their "sleeping bags," toothbrushes and games to our flat (an entirely different experience, here in NYC, than in Kansas with your mum's station wagon...) for an evening of fun.  Despite long work weeks.  And serious cat allergies. (Yes, they seriously rock.)

The child was beside himself, waiting for the big day.  Though he adores book club (finally, a group "class" that the kid likes, who'd of thunk it, a book club?!?) he grumped en route on Friday that he wished it was evening, already....

He picked up his toys.  He played quietly in the other room while I cooked (though the 6 layer chocolate cake he imagined for his first ever sleep over never materialized... one layer had to do ;)  And then he carried plates and silverware and even requested linens (no pant swipes for guests!) and delivered muffins and crackers.  The host with the most for sure. 

When it was late and we were all yawning, the child planted himself between his Aunt and Uncle and announced he would be sleeping right. there.  Thankyouverymuch.  Well over an hour later (read: very late for little boys) he drug himself into his bed, the glow of success lighting up his purple ringed eyes.  He had stayed up late with someone other than his parents.  And despite the fact that we don't do "bedtime" per se, E and I go to bed about the same time every night... and the child wouldn't dream of staying up without us, so.... until nighttime independence hits, he effectively has a bedtime ;)  Past which, he had happily lived.  Oh the joy!

Of course, the thought of his Uncle, laying in just the next room was more than the child could bear this morning, thus waking him bright and early.  Play and happiness ensued and the child was pleased.

And exhausted.  Ohhhhh so exhausted.  Dragging his hollow little mug home from the market mid-afternoon, he declared it bedtime :)  

Of course, no child worth their spit goes to bed at 2 in the afternoon.  So he tortured us for the remainder of the day until he passed out at his normal time, tonight.

And there were numerous, numerous times today that the sudden difficult-ness challenged me.  I had to grab the words "no more slumber parties for you, mister!" from the tip of my tongue, more than once ;)  After telling him that I prefer his night-time choices not imbue our day with constant conflict... I had to just bite my tongue.  Repeatedly.

Choosing silence gave me plenty of extra time to think about how I wanted to handle these kinds of situations.  What did I think?  What was the big picture today?  What did I need to do to be the mama I want to be (other than validate his many mishaps and not strangle the child?)

And by total luck, I saw this quote tonight.  And it is just perfect.  It summarizes, exactly, my main parenting goal.  From this broad whole, of course, comes millions of tiny decisions and dogma; layer after layer of onion thin parenting practices that have to be peeled  and probed to see how they interact with this particular child and his particular personality.  Paring these back and examining each culturally culled approach, and then tossing many into the compost bin, is both painful and liberating for me.  Planting new ideas in my muddy brain and trying to nurture them to take root and become natural seems to require re-planting more often than I'd prefer...  (And maybe its just me here and many find this all easy!  Does everyone else have nice tidy, rowed plots upstairs?  Cuz, for me, holding a child as whole, helping them to deal with their growth rather than me just responding from a place of creator, from a place of corrector, from a place of my personal needs or judgements... but while still actually helping or parenting... well, that's some seriously tricky shit!)  At least when it was tough today,  I realized it was a more a rarity, rather than the rule, as it used to be.  And it gave me hope that my muddy mess upstairs will slowly form a fabulous rainforest full of purposefully planted parenting approaches.  Until then, I'll remember the marked mantra: Fake it till you make it.  Though, my mantra usually goes something more like: Just don't fuck him up....

Anyhoo, the quote:

 "My deepest goal as a parent is for my children to remain whole- to reach adulthood as fully themselves as they were the day they were born, as complete human beings who, at the time, were entirely dependent on me and highly lacking in skills and experience. It is inevitable that these complete human beings will become less dependent, that they will gain skills and experience as they go through life.  It is not inevitable that they lose their trust in themselves, their ability to love unconditionally, their connection with their own deepest joy, and their inner radiance and brilliance."

To sleep-overs and hangovers and do-overs and internal make-overs...  Its all good :)

We are actually in New York

We've been home for weeks now and I still have so many stories left from our trip!  But I'm gonna fast forward for tonight...  just a little piece of here and now before the glory of going West totally usurps the enchantments of the everyday....

Because I would be sad if I forgot my fave from this week.  


The kid wanted another raspberry corn muffin.  I was busy working on something on the floor, flat on my back.  He retrieved the muffin from the fridge and sat it beside me (yah, on the floor ;) and asked me to warm it in the oven.  I looked him in the eye and nodded then grabbed the muffin and sat it on my belly (I mean, it was on the floor - ewww :)  He repeated that he wanted it heated and I, once again, looked him in the eye, smiled and nodded.  I needed to finish what I was doing, it would only take a second, before I jumped up to the toaster oven.  There was a downbeat and then the child queried quietly, "Is it heating?"  His voice was filled with the wonder that, it seems, really, only a child can have.  Apparently, my nod had so assured him that I would take care of it for him... that he wasn't sure I wasn't already doing it!  That there could be some amazing way that a Mama has to heat a muffin, right there on her ribcage, and nobody has ever told him about it!!  He sounded so sincere and curious it absolutely broke. my. heart.  I freakin' love kids.  


I put the quote on my kitchen wall (he can't read it yet) - hopefully it will serve as a reminder (when I'm feeling all grumpy and full of expectations) of how new the world still is to him ....  Hopefully ;)


So, since I'm having sooo much fun re-living our trip, I'm going to sum up the last few weeks in a few fast phone pics, so I can get back to my vacay filled dreams :)


In the last month, we:


We've done lots of beach here, too.

We explored the fallen trees, downed in the great Brooklyn "tornado."

And tons of park play. (P prefers a particular pile of baseball diamond sand to the peer packed sandpits at playgrounds :)

And P peeped at people from behind a bush. Very, very sneaky.

We took BB on lots and lots of walks.

And we stumbled upon some strange street snake exhibit. (Yah, he's leaning over a live snake pit there.   Ewwwwwww.)

And we played with fabulous family in the park after brunch. (Yah, P is under the pile the robots are mauling...)

And we found a caterpillar (omg.  Hearing a small child say that word is one of my favorite things on earth) in our house.  We built it a house.  We watched with wonder.  It pulled a Houdini...

We got a LOT of rain.  A couple of times.  Yup, that's it going over P's galoshes.

We had fun.

We explored new parts of the city (like the rockin' new Brooklyn park)

And we climbed stuff.

We fell in love with our book club and puppet shows.

And we enjoyed the kids being back in school (unpacked playgrounds - hurrah!)

We made Seth a snack, on which the child dictated a note (we were stamping at the time, so the note had to be stamped ;)  The "bring beer" part hurts my gut.  I love it.

Basicailly, we had fun.




And we felt fortunate.  Really, really, nose to toes sorta fortunate.  Today, the child played and baked and did art and stamped with letters and played chase with the cat and took a long bubble bath with BB and taste-tested homemade jams and listened to me read and swung in his swing (over and over)... and then it was afternoon and he got ready for an outing by packing a bag for Coney Island.  As we wandered to the sub, past the school kids just finding freedom, the child squeezed my hand and told me how happy he is he's not in school.  No doubt :)  


So, our afternoon on the beach was unusually beautiful.  Quiet, nothing special, really.  But I think we were both reveling in our good fortunes  - the ones that found us there together, free and happy.  Happiness really is listening to the waves, watching dry sand blow misty trails over water logged beach, cuddling with your kid...   I mean, I really loved that vacation, but "everyday" isn't so darn bad either ;)

The collecting beach. Somewhere in Oregon.

This was the Little Man's favorite beach.  It was relatively warm (not the water though!), empty of people and full of collectibles, and easy to get to ;)   There were more treasures than he had ever even dreamed of.... and he tried to collect them all :)

 He also really liked the dunes.  The cliffs were great for flying off and the huge hills were fantastic for "skiing" and sliding.

He spent hours looking, searching, collecting.  Here are a few of his favorite things:

The kid was so peaceful.  Just serenely content.

He spent forever playing with the water around this rock.  The tide had created a small pool that would fill and recede.  It was like watching two children play hide and go seek together.  He would hide on the rock and wait and wait and wait and wait.... until the tide finally rose high enough to surround the rock with water.  Then Splash!  He would laugh with all of his Being and jump into the new river cackling.

E and P.

I wish I could remember what was so funny :)  P and I collectin'.

We stayed until the tide rolled back in and our tummies were unusually empty.  The child said he would be content to live his life. right. there.  I think he probably would, too ;)

Dinosaurs in the Rainforest

Somewhere along highway 101 lies a forest filled with dinosaurs.  Its a world of fabulous concrete kitsch.  E rolled his eyes when I suggested the stop, but the child was mesmerized.  Bonus points:  free maps of the dino-laden trails.  Holy gawd the child likes following a map!

The setting was so lovely that E and I were fairly certain our newest destiny was to set up a fern filled dino resort.  The child, of course, concurred.  But we wondered if the necessary rain would dampen our fabulous future.  I can report that after a week of rain back in Brooklyn, we're all thinking we could hack it.  We have had the most deliciously damp week, with misty light rains each day, leaving P and I happily puddle jumping in the park with friends.  Ahhh, decisions, decisions...