Don't homeschool if....

We spent yesterday afternoon at the aquarium with a prospective homeschooler. Her mum is interested, but is a little nervous to take the plunge and give up playschool. She hoped an afternoon of chatting over sea lion tricks would give her some answers. I probably should have suggested she asks someone else... with well edited, inspiring answers :) But P and I had fun....

The Little Man had agreed to this visit weeks ago (I ran it by him - knowing it would make for a slightly different experience than our typical Phoenix focused aquarium visits.) He was excited to meet V and her mama, and doubly excited to see the walrus again. But, the Little Man has been in a mood for the last few days. A week, maybe. I'm not sure what's going on (fighting off a cold? Needing more sleep? Growing pains? Growth spurt? On the edge of something developmentally? Have I been lackluster? Is he not getting the right.... something?? Or just irritated:) Nothing seems awry. He's eating great, sleeping per usual. But the grumps are obvious and, in the last three days, getting more pronounced.

So, despite talking about our plans every day for the last four days (he doesn't like surprises), and being fine with our plans when we woke up, he was bereft when it came time to go. Drat! Our unknown friends were below ground, subbing their way there, so canceling was impossible (and would have been exceptionally rude to boot...) I validated his doldrums, his wants, his frustration, suggested he kick the bed rather than the door (a strange re-occurrence making the grumps truly obvious - he hadn't been physical when frustrated for a really long time and then it started popping up a couple of weeks ago....)

Where was I? Oh, door jamb. He said he understood we had to go, but he would not be happy :) He had such a good point - that he could choose to be happy or not. So I agreed, that it was his choice whether he enjoyed our outing or not, I'd love him either way.

I got dressed. He climbed onto the bed and rolled around, quietly. Then he sat up. Then he started smiling slightly. He jumped down and got ready and we went. It was crazy to watch him process through it.

He was beyond happy all afternoon - obviously having made the choice and really dedicating himself to it :) He adored our new playmates, adored every eel, jellyfish and shark. He held his new friends' hands and chatted with them gleefully. I occasionally looked around to find Mr. Hyde, but he was gone. (He's reappeared again since then, so the mood has yet to magically lift permanently...)

Anyway! I'm boring myself again as I ramble. The point of this post: The fence-riding mom had a common question: how do you spend all of your time with your kid? Is this difficult?

Such an interesting question to me. But so loaded with the pervasiveness of school as norm. Its like assuming a baby should be fed a bottle (a fact wee me never questioned with my dollies). Its so culturally entrenched. And culturally twisted. We're (humans in general, not just P and I;) so far from our original inclinations its insane. Moms (or dads;), shuttered away for the day with their wee ones or sending the wee ones off to school to be with other wee ones the same age. The extended family, the tribe, our natural family formation, is non-existent. And as much as I adore spending my life with P, there's no questioning the fact that the intensity of hearing his voice for 14 hours a day, only broken by the sound of my voice answering his is, well, absurd from a vastly historical point:) Much like his little voice (ok, big voice) and movements being censured in a classroom of equally censored kids' sounds and stirrings is unbelievably, unnaturally absurd. Our society is, well, fucked up. (Sorry Cash - I'll start watching that, starting tomorrow? ;)

What am I babbling about?! The question itself assumes that its normal to not see your kid, for your kid to be in a distant box for the duration of the day. And while I recognize that as the cultural "norm" of our time, I've been on the outside of that while parenting, so I can't fathom answering it in an understandable fashion. I've been too busy feeling crazy-lucky that I'm able to be on the outside of this norm to bemoan it. Not that its all jolly ranchers and Xmas mornings around here. No, no, no. But I do know moms that claim every second spent homeschooling is exhilarating. (I'm fairly certain their children talk less than mine...) And I know moms homeschooling that regularly feel they are a hair's-breadth away from loosing it. But you could take out the "homeschooling" bit from that last sentence and it would still be true. Word dat:)

I'm pretty sure I failed to help the nice lady lean toward a decision. After all, one can't tell a stranger how much they like spending time with their kid without it sounding like a cross judgement.. or like a loon song. Likewise, one can't tell a stranger (while in front of said child to boot) that sometimes you have to imagine walking down a vacant, dark, snow covered sidewalk... just to retain your sanity for a second. So I told her the most honest (and probably unhelpful) thing possible: "I love it. And I'd imagine either decision would have difficulties for different reasons...." Yah, I told you she should have met with someone else!

However, our fun day did remind me of a funny list a friend sent me. Now, keep in mind, I know next to nothing about blogging. I'm please with myself every time I get a video uploaded. So if I'm incorrectly citing this, please forgive me... and correct me in the comment section for future reference! Tammy Takahashi has a great list of 10 reasons not to homeschool on her blog. I've copied her list below for your enjoyment.


10 Reasons Not to Homeschool: By Tammy Takahashi
October 28, 2006

1. There is no “how to”. You have to make your own decisions about what is important in education. You have to read lots of books and do lots of research to ultimately to figure out who you are, and you will soon learn, there is no “right” way to educate.

2. People will always ask you why you homeschool. Then you have to deal with their questions somehow. This. Never. Ends.

3. It is very likely that someone you love will absolutely hate the fact that you are homeschooling, and will make it clear. Wouldn’t it just be easier to do things the way your family expects you to? You’d get along better with them if you do.

4. You have to create your own social networks and be able to make friends without the constructs of a school setting. And the kids have to learn how to get along with people in the real world. The real world is scary sometimes, and it’s not always easy to know how to meet people.

5. You will have to answer all of your kids’ questions. And sometimes, (ok, maybe often), you’ll have to admit that you don’t know something. And you can’t say, “Ask your teacher tomorrow.” Instead, you will have to say, “Let’s look it up.”

6. The first step to successful homeschooling is to let go of everything you ever knew about education, and to start from scratch. If you really like how school works, you may be surprised at how different homeschooling is from that version of reality. Sometimes, that causes smoke to rise from the ears as two sets of gears try to go in opposite directions.

7. There are a million things to buy out there. It’s easy to get sucked into the “it’s for our kids’ education” trap. And beware homeschool conferences. They are like going to an endless mall of educational materials and ideas. If you go to too many of them, you may even be coerced into speaking at one.

8. Even if millions of parents have homeschooled before, nobody will be able to tell you what to expect. Homeschooling is like being a parent – every family is different and you’re going to have to become your own expert and do a lot of research. Sure, it’s possible to homeschool without research, but that’s like parenting without thinking about why you make our choices. So, once you’ve decided to homeschool, you will be spending just as much time as your kids with your nose in a book, or doing on-site research (park days and info nights). In fact, in the beginning, you’ll probably be learning a lot more than your kids are. That is a very tiring.

9. You run the risk of filling your house with books, magazines, science projects and pencils. You may need to convert part of the bathroom into a library. And what’s worse, is that whenever someone starts talking about a topic, you won’t be able to stop yourself from saying, “We have a book on that! Here, let me go get it.” People will either stay away from you to keep from being told all the nuts and bolts about taking a radio apart, or they will always be bugging you for help on their school science projects because they know you have all the books and info (and experience).

10. You are free. Completely and totally free. Do you really want to be free?