WORD.

Winter has finally hit here in the Northwest.  We had the most beautiful snowfall this morning featuring the biggest flakes known to mankind.  Amounted to nothing, of course, cuz it just isn't cold enough down in the city.  But it was pretty.  P and I watched it out the window, facing his BFF's window, where the neighbor boys also stared up at the sky.  It was a sweet moment.

Zia has been teething, or growth spurting or food reacting or somethinging lately, so we've been playing it mellow yellow.  Our food options are starting to wear thin on us all (except for Superman, for whom repetition matters not).  It strikingly difficult to find meals that are balanced and that all of us enjoy (not to um, point any fingers at the seven year old...) that don't have eggs or tomatoes or potatoes or beef or dairy or corn...  And I'm realizing just how much I cooked with tomatoes before Zia.  (P's never met a tomato dish he didn't like.)  So, now the seven year old seems picky, but really, he's just done with chicken and carrots.  I'm still trying a new food every four days, but its so freakin hard to tell what's food and what's just her being tired or teething or boogery.  At this point, we're just relying on her butt and her spit-up to clue us to how things work.  But she's out of sorts for sure, so I'm stepping back a few weeks and going basic again.  Baby steps :)

P's been having a fun time hibernating the last week.  He received some spy stuff for Christmas and loves slinking around setting traps and shooting light into the dark.  (Like the time he snuck his tripwire alarm upstairs and placed it outside E's office.  Ethan takes work very seriously.  He works extra hours every day, usually doesn't count his hours on the weekends and doesn't take breaks but to pee.  P knows this all too well and decided seeing Papa during said pee break would be brilliant.  When E walked out of his office to wee, the whole house knew ;)  E about fell over from laughing and P got a quick hug, making his spy stuff treasured stuff:)

And the kids continue to play together.  P is thrilled she is interested in toys.  I'm pretty sure he seriously overstimulated her the first night he brought her objects to hold :)  And Zia freakin LOVES laughing at P.  And he loves to make people laugh.  Its a good combo.  Its funny to me, since he was such a serious baby and toddler, to see him being such a ham these days. This morning, attempting to distract her from the torture of nail trimming, he was making funny faces.  Suddenly he crossed his arms into an "X", concentrated for a second, and proclaimed "WORD."

Oh Em Gee.  I died.  I had no idea where he'd seen that and his attempt to get it right was hilariously sweet.  When I took a breath, I asked him where he'd seen that.  "A preview.  Is it alright I did it?"  (We've had looooong chats about movies and real life appropriateness:)  When I told him yup, he did it again.  And again.  And again.  I was laughing so hard I was crying.  So was he.  Zia, she wasn't quite so sure ;)

But until this week, we've been out and about every weekend and loving our weekly walks.  Zia's hatred of the car is extreme, and P's devotion to riding the bike grew when he devised a BB sled (a muffin tin, reinforced with duck tape, with a crayon BB drawn in the middle all safety pinned to some pink yarn and a reflector ribbon) to follow us as we pedal about the city.  Rain or shine, he's happy to jump on the back of the bike and listen to BB bump down the road.  See video above :)

 

Fun and first hospital runs

Let's see if I can knock out a quick one before they wake (her from her first nap, him from the night.  I LOVE it when they get the rare sleeping overlap!!!  I can go a week straight without actually getting even two seconds of down time (I'm not exaggerating here - and I'm not complaining, just sayin' ;) and that makes a quiet 5 minutes really luscious.)

Little Z is getting so Big!  She luuuuvs to lounge on the sheepskins we have piled by the fire.  And seeing her stretched out across my lap - she seems So Long.  But then I see her in E's arms, or look down on her napping in my wrap and and I'm overwhelmed by how totally tiny she is.  So dependent and breakable.  It boggles my mind.

Napping after coming in from a walk.  My thumb is almost as big as her nose.  It takes up her whole cheek.  She's like a tiny doll.  Constantly bigger, but still so little.  Its fun.

Speaking of tiny and breakable...  P seems So Big these days.  His face is changing.  He looks older, stands taller.  Overflows my lap.  I love it when something strikes me and he still seems small (like the other day, when he was bashing the wall with his feet and I commented "That kind of wall is breakable."  He stopped.  Then a second later he asked, "What kind of rock is it again?"  Hehehe.  Apparently he'd heard us call it "sheetrock.")   But really, in the spectrum of things, he is still small, and I soooo don't want to forget that and start in with yucky expectations... But I digress.

P typically bounces.  He's not that breakable.  I mean, he falls, and tumbles and bonks a LOT. Cuz he's really busy and kinda dare devilish and E and I just aren't those protective (physically at least;) parents.  And he gets bruised.  A lot.  But he bounces.   I can't even count the number of times I've shoved a flashlight at his eyes to check his pupils.  Seriously.  But this time when I did it, they were a little off :(

So, after face-planting off the bed (there was some wrastling involved, some foot-sweeping, some flying...)  we watched him for the afternoon.  He was so lethargic. And his head was horribly hurting.  He answered slowly and was just, basically, out of it.  Then he started barfing.  E, having been bonked and stitched up a trillion times as a kid was still pretty laissez-faire about the whole thing.  Me, not so much.  Obviously, I'm not the sort to run to the doctor (for which my brothers chastised me after my last birth...)  But, he was realllllly off.  And its the regret I fear.  So I sent them off into the night to the children's hospital.  Devastated that I couldn't go with the Little Man.  When he asked me to, I felt awful telling him I couldn't, that I had to stay with Zia.  I don't want them to ever feel like I'm choosing one over the other :(  But I think he understood when I told him she was just too little to go into a hospital and all of those germs.

The doctors, apparently, were superb.  The experience, late evening on a Saturday night in a big city, was serene.  I'm soooo glad they didn't just go to a plain' ol ER with its car crashes and whatnot.  The kid got a bed and a blanket and was offered TV or crayons or books (he chose Papa's stories (Nibble stories being his favorite thing on earth) instead.)  They checked him over and over and over and then wanted to do a CT.  E, having done more than his fair share of post-cancer scans was well aware of the radiation this would mean.  Fortunately, they offered to just watch him for the night instead and actually applauded our choice when we went that way.  Telling E most parents choose the CT rather than the night in the chair by the hospital bed.  I was, once again, so thankful for such a superb partner.

The first time they woke P to do his neuro tests... he wouldn't' wake up for forever... and E said it felt awful.  But the kid was just in a reeeeally deep sleep :)  He's all fine and they sent him home to be watched for the next week.  The next morning when he came downstairs the very first thing he did was to dangle from the top of the stair railing over the 5 foot drop below.  Yeesh.  I tried to request a moratorium on crazy for the next week without sticking too much fear into the equation ;)  Then we had a celebratory post-concussion day (Zia and I went out early and got P a favorite thing - flowers - for a little welcome home happiness)  Bagels and pizza and garlic oil pasta (P's faves) and movies and not jumping around :)

7 is kinda squirrelly.  P, with stick in mouth...

Just a couple of pic updates:

Baby girl in her bumbo.  She is getting all handsy and wants to grab everything.  When there's nothing to grab, she just grabs herself :)  

Zia luuuuuvs looking at the boys.  Papa gets huge gummy grins and Phoenix is most constantly observed.  Carting her on my hip while making lunch the other day, it hit me, put her in front of P!  So I did and wow.  She was more than content to watch him play the whole time I cooked.  Two might be busier than one, but they also keep each other busy (cuz P loves an audience:).  Love it!

Waking up to greet the day.  The baby is freaking full of smiles first thing.  Having a wee one that isn't constantly pissed off by food allergies is So FUN!!!

Today, P is cracking me up (yes, I did not finish the post before he woke up).  He is carefully asking if just about everything active is ok.  "So I can swing in my swing, but I shouldn't jump off of the chair onto my swing?  I can dangle over the wall or...?"  And telling me every little bodily quirk.  "My arms feel weaker.  Ok?"  And "I bumped my head on the back of the chair.  But not hard....  Ok?"

I'm glad he's attempting to be careful (not his usual strong suit:)  But I hope he forgets all about it in another week so he can go full throttle again!

Awwwww. Thanks EC.

P didn't want Zia and I to go to bed yesterday until he'd had a good snuggle.

A dear friend told me that when the kids start playing together, well, its a whole new level of happiness in a Mama's heart.  And she was So right.  I figured I had a couple of years to wait for this gem of joy, but the last week brought us the best holiday present ever.  

Zia's development this week (its amazing how at this age, you can count the changes in a day - its mesmerizing really) truly put her on P's radar.  She started trying to sit up.  Which is heeelarious, really.  Because, (she's only 3 months old) much like her attempts at crawling, she's just too damn little :)  But she wants to see it all.  So she started heaving her huge baby head up whenever I'd lay her in her little rocker. She'd rocket herself forward to a mostly sitting position... which she could only hold for a teeny bit, and then she'd drop back in exhaustion.  Repeat. Repeat, repeat.  P and I would just laugh.  And then, when her little baby abs were apparently tired but still trying, P would help her.  Awww.

Zia, sitting up to watch the world.

 So after much, much internal debate, I picked up a Bumbo off of Craigslist.  I won't bore you with my maternal angst, I'll just say its working, Really freaking well, for us.  Since she was getting less and less happy with her view from the floor and there are times I can't hold her safely (ummm, think chef knife and huge butternut squash that needs dicing...) she is fabulously content to stare at her toes from her new seated position.  And this, P LOVES.  She seems so much more "kid" sitting. Then he does "baby entertainment" and dances, hops and growls to make her giggle.  Which she does.  I love seeing her smile at him.  And he watches her, I catch him watching her, with the strangest little smile on his face.

In addition to her independent seating, she started using the potty.  Big, big brownie points in P's book.  Now that she's not shrieking all day anymore (well, we did have a couple of days last week after I posted but before the dairy worked its way out of our system that she cried and spit up and hiccuped and refluxed almost all day, each day - poor baby!!!  Methinks we found the main culprit for those early days of misery...) P's only complaints post crying-jags are based on body fluids.  He's not fond of the drool or the diaper dumps.  (In fact, after her first huge, ummm, bizness, I exclaimed out loud, I was so, erm, impressed.  P came running to see what the excitement was and instantly backed away, gagging, "I think I'm going to throw up."  I chuckled and continued wiping tushie.  But what did I hear?  Poor little P, throwing up.  For reals!  Yah, really not fond of poo that P;)  So, doing her duty out of her diapers has totally helped their bond.

And I'm surprisingly enjoying the ECing too.  She's in between snap sizes on her infant Kissaluvs, so I figured I'd finally jump into the ECing, kinda guessing I'd be a failure and run back to the cloth dipes as soon as her thighs chunked up to the next snaps.  I imagined days covered in urine and poo on the floor from me missing her cues.  So color me happy with shock that its so freaking natural for babies that she's slowly teaching me how to take her to the bathroom rather than spend hours at the changing table.  Heck, even E is doing it!  The first couple of evenings he requested a regular wool cover over the questionably covering prefold.  But handing her off this weekend, bum just barely covered in a prefold, he tried taking her to her potty and... she peed for him!  Then a little later, she poo'd for him!  Unfortunately, we've only figured out her poo cue (grunting and a look of concentration) and are just taking her to pee based on timing and when she seems to squiggle and want it.  Which works great when we're holding her since she totally won't pee on us (yes, I'm still flabbergasted.  I'd read it.  I'd seen it in other kids.  I wasn't sure I believed it.  Its true.)  But if we toss her on the floor, she's bound to whiz, and I can't tell what cue I'm missing...  But its only been 4 days, so I'm guessing she'll figure out how to tell us pretty soon :)

She also started grabbing things.  My dinner plate's days are numbered.  And she's enjoying P's hair as handlebars.  So he tries handing her toys and jumps with joy when she holds it or shakes it for a second before dropping it - always more interested in what her brother is doing than whatever she's holding.  They love to hold hands and just grin at each other.

Dinosaur peekaboo (she addddddores peekaboo)  Good thing she seems pretty tame to growls and big ol boy raucousness...  (Oh!  And, old story I keep forgetting to journal.  The pink butterfly bassinet? My mom went to pick us up a nice white one when she was here to help.  P went with.  No, no, he said when he saw her grab the dull white.  We need the pink butterfly one because, and I quote, "Its pretty like my sister." :)

So our delight this lusciously long holiday weekend was watching the kids watch each other.  And this weekend, joining us downstairs after waking up, the very first thing he said was to ask if we'd seen Zia yet.  (I was kinda confused, since she was asleep in the wrap on my front.  Maybe he was so used to seeing me with the enormous green growth  that he'd forgotten my actual stature?!) No, he clarified, had we seen her awake yet?  How was she?

Now E just has to come to terms with P carting her around (insert sheer look of horror from Superman).  Cuz the Little Man is really ready for the whole big brother role...

Holiday cheer

Well, the upside to a baby waking freakishly early one morning is that she is already down for a nap before the sun (or my son) rises, giving the Mama a minute to blog.  If only I drank coffee or something, seems like a moment to enjoy that sort of thing ;)

Speaking of consuming, quick update.  I tested wheat this weekend and she seemed to handle it with a big ol' shrug.  No noticeable difference at all!  This was soooo huge for us, since gluten lurks everywhere.  This success went right to our heads and three days later, much urged by my dairy lovin' boys, I added cheese.  While her behavior is still sunny, her bizness was pretty crazy yesterday.  E, rarely the optimist around here, claimed coincidence and urged more dairy :)  Since we weren't dealing with all day shrieking or even bloody stools, I complied and am hopeful that today's bizness will be back to normal....  At any rate, I really think her digestive system is finally maturing and we may be back to (semi;) normal soon.  Ahh:) (Update - since I have yet to publish this post:  Looks like I'll be dairy free for a while longer.  After 2 days of dairy, Zia was pretty miserable, her acid reflux was back and she would not be put down for a minute.  But there was little shrieking, so its still a lot better :)  I think I'll try again in another month, once her digestive system has a little longer to develop...)

Now a quick xmas update:)

After sucking the light fantastic for Halloween (greatest guilt inducer that holiday?  You know, the holiday that my kid looks forward to alll year, the one he'd dreamed of having a house to decorate in celebration of for years, the one I barely made it out the door for...)  was walking the excited 7 year old, (donned in last year's costume) to meet his buddies for trick-or treating, only to be met at the door by FOUR homemade costumes.  Fully tailored.  And a bunch of fun holiday crafts just lurking inside the front door.  I hope P didn't feel as deflated as I did.)  Anyway, after sucking for Halloween, I was bound and determined to get Solstice and Xmas nailed.  So, as the child pathetically gathered fallen evergreen branches during our nature walk (to build himself a Christmas tree...) I swore to make this dream come true and get a real damn tree this year.  (He had informed me his ficus wouldn't cut the mustard this time around ;)

I even offered a tree cutting experience at a no-spray farm owned by some unschoolers up here.  But we quickly realized a baby screaming in her car seat would undermine the holiday spirit and just walked to the store across the street ;)  Phoenix pointed out that our new tree had many more branches than his ficus, necessitating more branch bling.  And lights, of course.  He was beside himself decorating the thing.  And thrilled with his results.

I'm a fairly big Scrooge concerning this crazy consumerist holiday - I mean, we aren't even Christian!  But even I had to admit that the glow and the gorgeous smell were pretty sweet :)  And the kid was delighted, kudos enough for me.

Santa was questioned to the hilt this year.  I dodged in style.  He asked the jolly elf for a stuffed minotaur.  Then he told me he should ask for something else, but not tell me what he wanted, so if it wasn't under the tree from Santa, then he'd know.  I said ok.  Downbeat.  "Maybe we'll do that next year, Mama."  :)  Then he informed me that if he received the one he had seen at a store, he'd know it was a ruse.  I had to laugh at my luck.  The one he'd seen was no longer carried by any merchants, freakin' anywhere.  So I'd gone to my favorite gift giving entity, etsy.  Whalah, handmade minotaur with groovy gold eyelashes (perfect for P!)  It totally looks elvin made.

So I told him to wait and see what Santa and his elves produced and then make his decision.  He was visibly relieved that it wasn't the widely sold doll Christmas morning.  But not quite satisfied.  All day he asked.  E finally told him that it was us, Santa isn't real.  Know what he did?  He came up and hit E!

"Are you frustrated I told you Santa isn't real, bud?" E asked him.  "Yes."

And off he marched to the tree.  He stood there for a minute.  He still soooo wants to believe.  When he asked again a second later, we lied like the good parents we want to be :)  He didn't ask again for the rest of the day.  Gawd help me, I hate this holiday.

But it was fun giving him woodworking tools.  He has a great little toolbox now with a hand drill, saw, screwdrivers, detail hammers, clamps and the sweetest cloth measuring tape on a wheel that I've ever seen.  Now we just have to set him up a spot on the porch with some wood and clock how long it takes to get to the Emergency room...

Solstice was lovely this year.  We took a late afternoon walk to watch the sun go down, thanking the world that the days would get longer :)  We gathered pinecones to decorate with nut butter and seeds to hang from our apple tree for the animals to appreciate during the winter.  And we revelled in the greenness here even on the first day of winter.  A rose bush was still full of blossoms - I kid you not.  I mean, its chilly here most days, and not green like the spring, of course, but its So Beautiful compared to the bland brown and grey of Kansas or New York.  I had expected the rain to set in by the time we returned and only leave come summer.  And while the ground is damp and I hear rain on the roof at night, we're out each day with the sun peaking through the clouds and the beauty boundless.  I'm thinking my gypsy heart could bear to settle here for a bit....

Solstice walk

 

I spoke too soon....

Ha. I felt all capable for about two seconds before the Universe pulled the rug out and chuckled heartily. Life with two for most of this week was.... hhhhhard. Zia seems to have reacted to my egg eating after all and deteriorated over the course of a week. The rash stuck around, her nightime sleep went to hell, and after a few nights of sleeplessness, her naps went to shit too. "School" and crafting during all day screaming, not so much :(. Poor P, poor Z.

I've gone back to the bare minimums for food and am caught... Bad weeks knock me down - its extra hard with so little sleep for me to be on top of my game for P while simultaneously helping Z. And I hate sucking:). So I'm tempted to not add any foods for forever... and yet tempted to go for another biggie: wheat. I'm bummed about tomatoes and eggs, but wheat, well, that might make up for things;).

Everyone is better by tonight - the boys are both voting for me to get some balls and add something in tomorrow.. What? Tired of chicken?!

The kids (and P's Solstice gift - a handmade "life size" BB) enjoy a boat ride after breakfast...

Life with two...

I've heard two is more than twice as hard.  Yup.  But more than twice as nice?  Yup again :)  Still, I feel like I'm just now getting to life with two.  The first month my mom was saving our ass keeping P's life lucky.  Then there was the lost month of crying (when I began to believe two was more than two hundred times harder and going to be more than I could ever succeed at...) Then there was the month in Kansas when P could run around with whatever awesome family member requested his presence (or, in my mom's case, he just stalked her all day:)

Now we're home and I'm trying to get our groove on.  Giving each one what they need is a tricky dance for me.  I tend to try and saturate a child, feeling really guilty if I can't do something for them.  For me and unschooling, saying yes wasn't the trick.  Learning when to honestly say "no, I can't" has been the trick.  Pregnancy helped me nail that one, since I just couldn't do so much.  A tough pregnancy was a real blessing here, prepping P for less, or at least different, Mama status.  I am infinitely thankful for that, in hindsight ;)

But less Mama floor tussling and toy tossing isn't the only change for him these days.  Our ability to do anything, anytime is gone.  For a while at least ;)  I started realizing over the last couple months that the free-flow of our unschooling days might leave P feeling like he's  drifting in open seas of negligence rather than just free now.  He needs reliability and rhythm to his days.  Solid times with Mama he can depend on.  And since babies tend to be fussiest in the evenings, combined with the business of dinner and dishes, E's post-work availability didn't really solve the situation.

So we're crafting our asses off.  I've set up a craft for each day of the week.  I've tried to make at least one, if not two, depend on something from the outdoors, so we also have a couple of nature walks a week on the nicest days.

One of our walks this week.  Flowers in December.  Love it.

 Despite the deciduous dropping their leaves, its still crazy green.

 No Brooklyn duckies here.  These guys came up towards us as we went down to the pond.... and walked right past us to forage in the woods!   No joke.  Apparently, they aren't every toddler's past time here...

 Must I point out how many photos I have of the child throwing stuff into bodies of water???

And we're learning to read.  (Why we?  I mean P :)  The Little Man has started requesting reading help.  He's ready.  The age is perfect, in my mind (though I'm totally comfortable with an even later reader.  I figure, once you start reading, you can't undo it.  From then on, your life is seen through words.  Covers (books, cereal, whatever) are no longer pictures and design and color, they are w.o.r.d.s.  Everything else takes a backseat to the mind jumping to translate the words.  And I don't want to rush that - there's a LOT to be learned translating the world in all of the other ways kids can.  Even in pre-reading ways, like general word shape, location, basic memorization, etc.)  So, for us, there has been an appreciation of just loving non-reading and all of its visual gifts.  But there is also the research that supports this so splendidly.  And real life examples, like the fabulousness of Finland, where they don't start reading until 7.  Or the Waldorf way, also starting the reading journey at 7.

But most importantly, there is P.  And his preference to start just now :)  So we do about 20 minutes of reading readiness stuff every day (P calls it "playing school") while Zia hangs off of me for her afternoon nap, before our craft.  And P jumps for joy each time I say its time :)  I started with the most basics of basics (the letters) despite his seeming ability to read quite a few words, so there aren't any gaps that later frustrate him.  He loves it.  We'll see if he feels the same way when we venture into unchartered territory.

So it seems that two may be possible.  At least while Zia is still napping a bit and not mobile ;)  Healthy foods are on the table and the Little Man is eating well again (for a few weeks it was a sad state of affairs.  I couldn't' get food together and he was eating crap which led to eating even crappier:)  We're getting out to enjoy the gorgeous Pacific Northwest (even if its just to the amazing park up the block and the sidewalk to the store).  The kid is getting solid Mama time, and projects that spawn (of course) even more projects.  And when I need to change Zia or bounce her to sleep (yes, she still only goes to sleep if I bounce around like a ding-dong, but it takes a much shorter period of time and there's rarely loud shrieks:) the kid's cup is (relatively) filled and he doesn't blink an eye.  Phew.

And this means I'm not wracked with guilt every night.  Cuz I tend that way :)

Zia: her 2nd month

Either I do this now, a couple days early or.... who knows when!

I absolutely can't believe her newborn phase will be over in two days.  Except for that month that we didn't know about the food issues (those few weeks seemed to have no beginning or end;) this period has absolutely flown.  Too fast.  Ethan and I are savoring every single tiny squiggly snuggle.  And while I'm excited to see her personality emerging and meet the little girl she is going to be, it makes me a little sad to think of her as not baby.  It sounds silly, I know.  But E agreed.  Its such a sweet period, its impossible to imagine it ending.

And at this rate, it doesn't seem like we have that long left.  She seems hell bent on catching up to her big bro.  She adores her favorite trick (flipping onto her belly) so much she attempts to do it, regardless of location.  Then she raises up as high as she can get and squeals with happiness, surveying the kingdom she was missing while lying flat on her back.  She flaps her arms and legs and does a little belly airplane and then claws at the floor, trying to propel herself along.  When this fails, she rolls belly over back over belly or back to her back and scooches.  I'm seeing baby-proofing in our very near future :(

She is such a different baby than P was (who was awesome in his own way:) that its shocking to me.  He hated to be put down for an instant (Zia loves a little floor time, is totally content to talk at us from the floor and suck on her hand).  Hated his diaper changes (she LOVES her diaper changes.  LOVES).  Rarely ever smiled (Zia has the most responsive social smile - it makes me smile just thinking about it). Strangers used the words "serious," "intense," and "old soul," for him and his long stares.  Zia smiles and coos and looks everywhere and gets "alert," "sweet!" and "sooo sweet."

And she really is.  (Actually, she was crazy "alert" from the get-go.  It seems to just be her personality type - to look and look.  The night she was born, after her head made its entrance but her shoulders were awaiting the next contraction, her eyes were already open and I could feel her head turning, back and forth, round and round like a little owlet.  She was already looking around our room, scoping out her new life. ( Which I get, because I find ridiculous amounts of joy in just. looking.  Shadows, shapes, curves, patterns, contrasts.  I think its half the reason I'm an artist.)   I feel so bad that we didn't figure out P's triggers at this age, because its amazing to see what a difference it can make in a baby.  Poor kid was too miserable to be labeled sweet :)

But Zia isn't miserable (anymore).  She's laughing.  Typically, at her brother.  He yucks it up, bouncing off of the walls, making funny faces, and she just laughs and laughs.  I make snorting noises when I kiss her neck and she just giggles.  But, her giggles aren't really baby peals as much as old lady smoker guffaws.  Its kinda funny.

And speaking of her voice, she uses it all. of. the. time.  Yah, she coos and goes "gah" and stuff and sometimes E positively melts.  But I really love seeing her try and "talk" rather than just cry.  Its way fun after her rough beginning that she goes days without crying.  She just gives us warning fusses.  Like, "hey, I'm getting pissed here... just warnin'"  And if she is on the floor and starts to get agitated and I'm caught without my wrap on (a rarity, but it happens when I change in and out of my pajamas ;), all I have to do is walk up to her and say, "You want in the wrap, Zia?" and wave that green fabric over her and she stops fussing and smiles and waits patiently while I wrap myself up for her.  When I realized how well she understood things a couple of weeks ago, I started asking her, "milk?  You need some milk?" when she fussed and I thought she might be hungry.  Within two days she would quiet when I said this if she was actually hungry.  She's nowhere near to having the physical control to sign yet (unfortunately!) but this is a real help in trouble shooting since she is also nowhere near a scheduled feeder :)

And speaking of food.  We've added a few foods in the last month: green beans, pumpkin seeds, beef, and cranberries.  And this week I added (drum roll): eggs.  Big, Big deal here.  She did seem to get a little face rash, but that was it, so I think eggs in stuff should be fine and she'll be good with them soon enough.  Yams, potatoes, tomatoes, apricots and salmon didn't work as well and the vote is still out on kale.  But onward and upward :)  If I can just be patient enough to wait 4 days for each new food.  This whole ordeal is so good for my self-control.  And probably for my health too.  I'm able to go on tiny bits of sleep, busy all day without sitting down or taking any breaks and I still feel great.  Hell, I've even grown to love millet.  And found that amaranth popped is a nice snack.  And that mustard makes everything better.  And an apple tastes (after being totally sugar free for over two months) unbelievably sweet for dessert.  I really only yearn for the ease of eating out occasionally.  And maybe a little more variety ;)

Last three month detail - per usual for babies this age, she is staying awake a Lot longer during the day.  And she's starting to nap in at least semi-consistent times.  Give or take a couple of hours ;) but getting an at least general schedule down.  Two short naps in the morning and one longer one in the afternoon, followed by a dinnertime cat-nap and then to bed sometime between 8 and 11.  So, obviously not a reeeeal solid routine, but its getting there :)

Little woodland napper on a walk.

My only complaint is her nighttime gas.  Holy gosh.  The kid is so tooty halfway through the night that she thrashes to beat the band.  Scratches herself, wakes me every five minutes.  I don't' know what's causing it or what would help her.  If anyone reading this has ANY suggestion, please comment with the cure...

But bottom line: this age is awesome.  All consuming and adorable and absolutely wonderful.

Freakshow flyers, take two...

I'm not doing so hot on the weekly posts I promised myself...  Lots of pics piling up here that I want to journal!  Now I just need time!  Lol.

We made it back.  But with a few bumps ;)  I figured the baby would be rough, turns out the seven year old had the hardest time :(

P is a pro traveller.  Seriously, pro.  But he started with a headache at the Wichita airport...  I shrugged it off as hunger (he hadn't eaten well all day) or sinus (he's still stuffy from his last cold).  But when Grandpapa rubbed P's back and P pushed him away, I was shocked.  Sooooo not P.  And definitely not P with one of his favorite people on earth.  Moments later as we tried to go through security, he was almost falling apart (and the baby decided she was suddenly starving)...

By the time we were half way to Denver, he had spiked a high fever and was the picture of pale misery.  By the time we landed in Denver, the child was in tears.  By the time we made it it our gate (after hovering by trash cans and carried by Superman) he was actually wailing.  The child never cries in public.  He (sadly) hates to even cry in front of E.  I was seriously shocked and a bit worried.  His head hurt him so badly he was nauseous and clambered onto my lap.  Not one for most meds, I sent Superman on a serious hunt for Ibuprofen.  

Drugged and lethargic, P patiently waited for our next flight.  That was delayed.  And delayed again.  Zia decided she needed to be bounced non-stop, so this was actually a blessing.  

After dragging our carry-ons, kids and cat onto a full flight, the child dazed out... only to barf half way across country.  (Fortunately, seeing his face, I'd already stuck a barf bag in front of him.  Honestly, I'd always wanted to see somebody use one of those things.  Childhood curiosity checked off of the list ;)  The baby didn't' have any interest in sleeping, each announcement woke her all day.  So she flirted and cooed at passengers until she was miserable and finally zonked.  Until the next announcement.

And after doing a stellar job of holding her poo all day, she finally erupted with business as we landed.  Which necessitated a quite lengthy cleaning and changing job in the bathroom.  Which meant the evening announcement for "Passengers arriving from Denver on Frontier airlines, please pick up your baggage, Frontier is closing" was meant for us :)  (Insert mental image of as many carry-ons as possible flopping behind two people carrying kids (and a quite pissed cat).  At top speed, through an empty airport.)  And you know how much I love Portland?  When we got to the empty baggage area, the lady thanked us for coming to get our bags.  In a sincere way.  People are just freakin' nice here (not that Brooklyn didn't have its perks, just saying').

And then we made it home.  Intact ;)  You know, I had three separate people come up to me with pitying remarks that day.  (Sweetly put pitying remarks, like, "Oh, you must be exhausted.")  But I have to admit, I was surprised each time.  Writing it out like this it sounds a bit nightmarish (and I love a little flair for written drama), but it was actually a pretty nice family outing.  Really.  I just love my family so freakin much, getting to spend the day with all three, squished up next to them where they can't get away from me, its pretty sweet :)

BFFs...

Every day, P chooses some new dream of Zia's future that excites him. Crawling, running, rock climbing, signing, talking... My favorite from this week? "I'm excited for when Zia is big and you say to me, 'Phoenix, go call Artemisia to dinner!'". (He luuuuvs getting to tell E to stop working, it's dinnertime :)

So, when Zia decided this week that all of that lovely smiling time spent on her back was boring, P was Thrilled. (**Everything** is one step closer to ~playmate~ :)

So she flips herself over, raises her chest and shrieks with happiness. But the girl wants to move. And, obviously, at 11 weeks, she's not going anywhere :). She pushes with her little feet and tries to yank forward with her hands, to no avail. But P is there to cheer her on! And this morning, as she did her tricks during a diaper change, P instructed me to "help her Mama!! She's trying to get to me! Show her how to crawl!".

Not yet, dear son :). I'm loving me some newborn squishiness for a twitch longer;)

Fingers and Toes - oh my!

I laid Zia down in an upholstered chair for a minute the other day and when I turned back around she had one of those awesome "OMG AHHA!" faces on. The texture of the chair clicked in her wee brain and you could just tell - she now gets touch. How can watching these moments be this satisfying?!?! Love it!

This makes me happy...

Food, Formula and Freedom

I started testing foods last week. I was so excited. After living on millet, rice, turkey, chicken, apples, avocado, squash and carrots for 7 weeks, I was jonesing for, well, almost anything;).  And what better time for new foods than Thanksgiving?  I would be infinitely thankful...

But beef brought lots of bitching and yams led to all out yells. By the Wednesday night before Tday, I was in tears of self-pity. Traditionally, I would have had a host of yummies prepared for the following day.  But thanks to the damn yams, the baby had not embodied the spirit if cooperation, and I had only managed to leave flours and butter warming on the cabinet all day.  Fine, fine, the boys could piggy-back on everyone else's victuals, but I guessed both meals would be devoid of millet.  And the turkeys would likely sport a butter basting.  Bah.

But everything is better after a night's sleep (even a nursed through night's sleep!) and apples and avocado were easily acceptable amid the next morning's excitement to leave.  Heck, I would look at it as a freeing technique.  A sweet little challenge along the road to "no expectations."  Why couldn't Tday just be about family and thanks?  Apples and avocados?  Screw pies and stuffing!

Zia and I weathered the tasty filled tables, buoyed by baby smiles, sans yams.  And I laughed later when I saw this chart:

Except for the vegan bit, we had it nailed ;)

Despite my best intentions, some dismay crept in.  She hadn't done well with any food additions yet.  I'd kinda figured 7 weeks ago that we'd go 2 weeks eating everything but the big triggers and then start adding those back in too.  Figure out which of the big guns were gonna go until she was older.  And then I'd spent 5 more weeks dropping more and more (and more) foods.  

Which meant my loved ones (even, gasp, E!) started dropping the F word.  Yah, formula.  Seemingly such an easy way out.  What was I?  Silly stubborn?  Heck, E could even heat the shit in the middle of the night!  I wouldn't be on perma-baby-duty!

Now, I'm not gonna knock this mind-set.  I know a lotta awesome mamas that go this route.  The constancy is too much.  They work and abhor pumping.  It feels like the hubby has it easy.  Or maybe they hate millet :)  I know the feeling of freedom figures into this for a few.  Whether that be the freedom to eat whatever you want or the freedom to take your ta-ta's to town on your own schedule.  Whatever the various reasons, formula is first choice in the first world nations.  So it seems pretty silly to some to be so bothered with this breast business.  Especially without sleep or chocolate to back you up!  

But there are a whole host of reasons WHO recommends breast as best for the first two years.  I'm not going to bother with links here.  The studies are countless.  Assuming the mother isn't seriously malnourished, the fact is unarguable (at this time, at least.  Maybe someday they'll have a clever chemical concoction to rival thousands of years of evolution, but color me doubtful on that one:)  

And my personal reason can be summed up in that one word. Evolution.  Cultural trends (from deities to dishwashing to the damn F word) come and go.  But babies evolved to do certain things.  In a certain way.  To eat a perfectly balanced food that is always clean and untainted by unwantables, that grows and changes as the baby does.  To be held while they sleep (read that short link!), that physical contact providing them safety and the stimulation they need for their brains to grow properly.  Three bedroom houses and baby monitors have popped up faster than baby brains evolve - they're still operating under jungle rules.  And it seems like massive cheating (and plain 'ol mean) to switch the rules on the little squishies without being able to tell them :)  Call me a "Continuum Concept" crazy, but I drank that kool-aide without ever even reading the book.  It just jives with me.

And, after the formula companies adding some new, essential something or other into their mixes every few years, (ummm, what about the babies that didn't get the newest new and improved formula?!) label me loonie for not trusting chemists to grow my baby's essentials.  Nah, me and my millet will do just fine.  

Yah, it sucks to never eat out.  And I miss cooking one meal for the whole family.  And Ethan has been on the wrong end of my hairy eyeball a Lot in the last month.  (The man, still feeding freely, seems to forget my limited choices, offering me yogurt, eggs or pizza with well fed gaiety...)  But, cliche as it is, and despite my long whiny post on the subject, Zia is more than worth it.  I'm hoping we caught it all early enough that she'll eat freely at four, her gut all healthy and her palate strangely fond of millet...

Of course, I'm kinda cocky right now.  She's all smiles and I've added pumpkin seeds, quinoa and the most delicious raw cranberry orange relish (well done, Daddy!!!) this side of 7 weeks.  If tomatoes tank tomorrow, I might change my tune :)

  

Artemisia: her first month

There will be a picture here...soon... phone blogging challenges me!!


I'm a little behind on my weekly update because mean Mastitis struck, again. (Message to Universe: The constant challenges to our nursing relationship? Not so fun. If you're wanting to test my dedication (like child led weaning last time wasn't proof enough...) please give up. You'll be surprised how many 104 fevers I can muddle through on turkey, chicken, millet and squash alone. Yah, that's right. In fact, I'm looking at this strict Elimination Diet bizness as palate expanding - so, nice try, and Thanks. (Call me stubborn :))



So Miss Z turned two months last weekend! I've talked about her tiny trials and tribulations - but I haven't really described her yet! I mean, at first she was just a simple, sleepy (screaming), squishy, but no more! So...

She is a squishy, only occasionally squawking, rarely screaming, smiley sweeetie. (Granted, squash, once my favorite harbinger of fall, now makes me gag, but the elimination diet has definitely been worth it:). She rolled, back to front, a week before she turned two months and rolled front to back a couple days later. And though she has been giving out good guffaws for a couple of weeks, that first precious bell like baby giggle was given to Superman just a couple nights before her two month mark. (The sound of both my kids' first giggles are cemented in my brain. Its, seriously, like the heavens opening and angels chiming magic harps. The sorta sound you'd think would stop wars. Baby giggles bring me a giddy clarity where nothing but love exists - if only for a moment!)

Physically? She seems to be growing quickly, leaving too small clothing in her wake. Her skin has cleared, the better to show off a very pink complexion (highlighted by her two rosy stork bites: one like a swath of eye shadow over her right eye, the other on the bridge of her nose (a twin to P's post birth). Her hair is still a mystery... As of now, she's a skunk. Her sides seem a light red but she rocks a light brown longer patch on top. To confuse the issue further, her eyebrows are so light as to be nonexistent. And her eyelashes are light like her sides and so long they rest on her fat little cheeks and curl back up. Otherwise, she's basic baby ;)

Funny future predictions:

Halloween choice: Shakespeare's Titania. No Dumbo costume here! Both sides of the family sport some serious ears and P wears the proof (I, of course, think he's perfect). But Zia has little pixie ears. So surprising with her lineage, it was the first thing my mother happily sighed over :)

Profession: Midwife. For two reasons :) First, we wanted a name that had a Greek link, to go with her brother's. The goddess Artemis is our top fave. Goddess of the wild, the hunt, she was brave and independent, loving the woods and animals. Never needing a man herself, she was, nevertheless, also goddess of childbirth, a midwife to those in need. In addition to her name's inspiration, is Zia's total addiction to womb sounds when napping. Perfect prep for listening to that Doppler:)

Passion: Painting. The name Artemis wasn't "girly" enough for the boys, but they loved "Artemisia.". And I love Artemisia Gentileschi, the first woman accepted into the Academy of Art and Design in Florence, an amazing paintress and a woman reshaping a woman's place in the 1600's. In addition to this is Miss Z's intense love of looking. Upon her arrival, her midwives were shocked at how she really looked and tracked, so intently, so early. Less of a boon at naptime these days, I'm sure it will serve her well someday...

Favorite garden planting: Artemisia, of course:). Its a pretty plant. And we really wanted a name that was something from nature. It was fun to find one that combined nature, Greek history and strong females - it was a tall order :)))

Favorite Place: Out West (of course:). We luuuurv the West Coast so far. The geography, the climate, the friendliness. And her middle name does pay homage to our journey West while she baked. But it was also meant to mimic her brother's name. Hudson was an attempt to remember where we were when he started (Brooklyn, thus we chose the Hudson river.). For Zia, we were living just off of Prospect Park West (back in Brooklyn again.) Plus, the word West conjures images of pioneering and exploration and there is nothing more this gypsy heart hopes for than eye opening travels for my children :)

Favorite sport: Gymnastics. The trampoline, in particular. Or perhaps the second bit of bungee jumping. Anything that includes serious bouncing. A movement she gets pretty agitated without when she's sleepy:)

Fave restaurant: Tapas. Small plates. Or an all day buffet sorta place. (Assuming they serve gluten free, dairy free, egg free, soy free, nut free...) When she's awake, she is the consummate snacker. She has about 20 minutes right when she wakes up during which she's happy on the floor, Superman's arm, whatever. After that? She wants to be beside her snack plate, sip a second, look around, take another sip, smile, sip, yawn. Then starts the sip-squawk-better-bounce bit, lovingly dubbed The Milkshake (har-har:). Try in any way to elongate the time between her awake hors d'oeuvres (by, ya know, showering or eating while someone else holds her) and she screams as if she hasn't eaten in two days and those two small sips will save. her. life. Nevermind the sips from a minute ago :). Which leads me to:

Past Life Origin: Nepal. Where babies nurse multiple times per hour and no one would expect anything different. We'd fit in spectacularly:)

Relationship status: Strictly monogamous. Her future partner will enjoy endless devotion and smiles. But, as my mother pulled out her well worn joke from P's early childhood ("attachment parenting, eh? Well, it worked, he's attached!) during our first few days, she pretty quickly updated it to: "We only thought Phoenix was attached!". And its true. By this age I could be away from P for an hour or a bit more, without complaints. Z lasts 15-20 minutes - at most (often with complaints:). And only if she has just woken and nursed. Dedicated:)

Future BFF: Phoenix! He's hopelessly devoted himself :). Noise (baby wails) has been his only complaint so far, perfectly weathering waiting for me when Zia has needs. And it seems that has even evolved already. On the ride home from the airport, she fell apart. I reached out to P to pat his leg (knowing the enclosed space and her bellows to be his hot spot) and he said, "Its ok, Mama. Her screams don't bother me so much anymore, I just feel bad for her." Awww! Then, a few days later, he was working through a big disappointment and Zia started screaming. I was trying to hug on him and kinda bounce her at the same time and he turned his sad little strong face up and said, "You better help the baby, Mama.". There had been no way for me to choose who to help (I want to be there for them both! And neither was in acute distress making the decision simple ;) and here he gave me permission to help the wee one. Not even in a martyr-ish kinda way, just true empathy for his sis. (Can you stand one more? Bear with me. I wanna remember these for when they are older and arguing :) Everyone here has been sick with a nasty virus. Somehow, Zia and I have avoided it so far. Then P's Aunt got sick with a truly terrible tummy bug and P was exposed to it. So I asked him if I could put some oregano oil on the soles of his feet, to help him fight his virus and the bug, that the tummy one would make it very difficult for me to be able to feed his sister (milk production and extreme dehydration not going hand in hand!). The kid HATES oil (or anything sticky) on his skin - I figured it was a lost cause, but worth asking... He said yes instantly. Whatever he needed to do. The next day he was talking to me and all of a sudden looked panic stricken. "I accidentally touched the baby with my finger" he breathed. Lol. E and P had been "quarantined" from holding her until they felt better and P, apparently, took this job Very Seriously. Yah, I've got older brothers, and this sorta devotion isn't easily forgotten :)

So, that's the rundown at two months. I give it all a week to totally change :)

Whew...

We were not thrown from the plane. In fact, the day (post frenzied packing/cleaning/house exit..) felt like a run of good luck.

New laws in our favor meant P could keep his shoes on (his pet peeve) and Zia could stay snuggled in her wrap through security... until takeoff. But she had slept enough by then to not wail and didn't need to be bounced until the seatbelt sign stopped. The guy beside us reassured me he'd handle anyone who said a peep and bouncing at altitude worked just fine. The second flight started shaky - she was trying to go to sleep and in full bounce mode when we took off... I swayed like a madwoman in my seat while she gave some warning squaks and Superman, typically the most rule abiding boy on earth, urged me to "just stand!" before the captain even gave the go ahead...

But we made it and had an awesome welcoming committee at the airport to reward our long day. Phoenix was instantly in heaven and Miss Z didn't do any full on screaming until we were on the drive home!

Which had seemed absolutely impossible just a few days before. But I dropped more suspect foods (oats and sunflower seeds) and we took Zia to an acupuncturist for an accupressure treatment and I'd been working her digestive pressure points as instructed since and I started a new approach to her napping (that includes some cloying womb sounds;)... So, something changed in the days before we flew - though we're not exactly sure which or what :). But she has been feeling so amazing the last few days that I'm going to start testing foods, one at a time, every four days. Of course, at that rate, it seems it may take until her first prom to know what she reacts to ;)

And though P wasn't as psyched to come to Kansas as he usually is (have I mentioned he Really, realllllly likes Portland?!) he is having a blast. Farm
life is fun for a newly minted 7 year old. And he's sublimely pleased with how much family time he's already achieved. The weather turned today, as it does in the Midwest, but we had a jolly good time wandering the woods before the chill hit. And without all of the screaming coming from the bundle on my chest, we've both really enjoyed it!

I don't know how to move and label pics when blogging from my phone...(A, any suggestions?). But somewhere should be Zia, shockingly happy during her first cab ride and P, wandering and tossing rocks and checking out beaver marks...

Freakshow flyers...

I'm going to try a post from my phone since my computer is officially a glorified white noise machine these days (there is no room on my lap for a sleeping baby (yes, she is even held while she's asleep:) And a laptop. So bear with my clumsy thumb...

It's been a long week. E has been working around the clock and Zia is still a hot mess. I've dropped more foods and am hoping to figure our her food triggers soon. Sleep is in short supply this week, and I caught myself dreamily thinking (during an unusually painful bout of heart-wrenching screams) that if I subsisted on air, maybe she wouldn't cry anymore.... Then I realized logic has officially left the building:).

But a few rainbows: By this point with Phoenix, I was totally overwhelmed with the constant needs, the lack of brushed teeth, the lack of sleep. This time, though Zia is in my arms a good 23 hours s day (no joke - maybe she's crying cuz she's tired of me ;) I am still really happy to hold her sweet little body. (Though the bouncing does get old on these old knees:). And, maybe its eating these crazy few simple foods, but the lack of sleep, though removing logical thinking, isn't too bad, either. Yesterday, as I bounced Z while making (separate, of course;) food for P and I and playing with the Little Man at the same time, I actually laughed at how hard I thought it was the first time :). But it's easier just because she isn't my first :)

Long story short: I'm PETRIFIED to fly this freakshow cross country so soon. Were it not the only time all of our families gather in one location, there is no way we'd be doing this. I, quite literally, fear being stoned to death or thrown from the plane (stones being in short supply at altitude) by fellow travelers. Seriously. I think of canceling the trip daily. And until the hatch door is sealed, I reserve the right to bolt. The image of her melting down and me not allowed to stand and bounce her... it gives me hives. This could be some serious sort of ugly...

But, on a lighter note:). P came running up to me this week:
P:Mama, I just got the blind mouse thing!
Me: wha?
P: The blind mouse thing - I just got it! (big grin)
Me: wha? Umm... Tell me more...
P: they're blind! they cut off their tails! (insert blank look from me (hey - I'm sleep deprived here!). Get it? they were chasing the farmer's wife, but since they couldn't see what they were doing, they cut off THEIR tales!

oh Em Gee. He hated that rhyme when he was little. Now I know why! Seemed like a senseless blood bath... until he got the irony of it all:)

And That is what I'm hoping for when we fly. What may seem like a bloodbath (you think I jest - that I exaggerate - hahahahahahaha) will eventually be a good laugh. Pu-leaze Universe?