Zia: her 15th, 16th and 17th months

I really, really wish I was doing better at keeping up the blog. Babies change so damn fast. And P says the greatest things these days. But by the time we all turn the lights out, scanning emails or posting pics on Instagram is about all I'm in the mood for most nights. Any extra energy some night? Well, that goes to reading about blueberry bushes for the backyard or how to build a sandbox or finding a new recipe for our crazy diets... (Long story short, Daddy, you might wanna get the Instagram app to get through the next few months, but I'll do my best ;)

So her 15th, 16th and this, her 17th month. How to sum? Z is huge. Seriously. Last night Superman said she seems a lot bigger than one and a half and I so agree. There was a period a few months ago, at about 15 months, where there was Lots of Shrieking. She had ideas, but getting us to implement them, well ;). But her language has exploded and she is making herself pretty clear these days. And she appears to understand absolutely everything we say. *And* she has already learned the power of a well placed "please." Especially *her* pleases. Omg. She spans about 5 octaves as she says the word, ending in the most impish grin imaginable. Even P is putty.

That and the power of the "wink." She fell head over heels in love with her cousin in Florida. Yah, he's in his twenties ;). And while I applaud her first choice, I was equally appalled that she was so smitten so young. (P has yet to really get a good crush going.). She would just gaze at Josh, or follow him, or sit on his lap, or wink at him. It's a double eye wink, something she picked up from Gramps (who actually manages a normal, single eye wink;) that she then started using on Josh. She has asked for him every day since we've returned to Oregon (having made up a sign for him;). She signs him and horses and love and bye bye and car and airplane and there are lots of words mixed into this story of longing.... And then she repeats the whole thing again.

But that sums her up, really. She is a communicator. A serious storyteller. I've teased Superman for years that I need an external processor in my daily life and, well, I got one. She is STILL telling the story of how she broke the window upstairs. If she falls down, she reenacts the trauma, looking at her listener and jabbering away, telling exactly what happened, fake cries and facial expressions and all. She also reads body language really well. Something my resident males seriously fail at ;). And she eavesdrops. Just because she looks busy stacking those blocks in no way means she isn't listening to Everything you are saying. And will then suddenly pop up and interrupt excitedly to add to the conversation. With the boys? If I don't have eye contact and they are already doing anything, I can safely assume they can't/won't/don't hear a word I'm saying :)

Sooo, I'm trying to think of favorites at this age.... Bananas. Avocado. Bacon. Ohhhh she loves bacon. You should see her face when she sees bacon. Meat (and fruit) in general is a fave for her, but bacon, it holds a special spot in her hot hands and heart. Honey. She got a taste and thinks it is Amazing :) And ICE. She is positively obsessed with ice. In fact, she became so obsessed with it in Florida (where there was an - omg, Zia! - ice making machine!!!;) that I thought she'd lost it and gone all OCD on me. Seriously, she was waking in the middle of the night, screaming for it. Begging for it alllll day. Um, no, total idiot of a Mama. No OCD, she was just getting a bunch of molars and so smart that she was self medicating.

What else.... Dancing. Music. The stuff calms her soul so fast it's silly. With P, all ills required nursing. Emotional, physical, just out of sorts, the kid had to nurse. Z does not. But she does need movement. If basic bouncing/dancing doesn't do it, I start singing a song and she will Instantly lay her head down on my shoulder and stop sobbing. Sometimes I can get her to go to sleep at night by singing rather than nursing, too. Mind boggling to me :)

And she loves people. I've mentioned it before, but I'm still so surprised at the total difference that I'll blather again, she is suuuuuch a people person compared to P as a baby. (Are the constant comparisons getting old yet? Too bad - I find them fascinating and, obviously, can't say any of it out loud;) When Superman comes in the door at night she ruuuuuns through the house crooning this throaty "Paaaaaapaaaaaaaaa!!" and flings herself at him. She was (mostly) fabulous heading out the door with my folks in Florida, going for gator rides or walks to the horses. Despite having seen not nearly enough of my brothers in her short life, she was thrilled to be held by her Uncles, diving into their arms. And she happily warmed right up to her Aunt Maria, perching on her lap our last night, full of smiles. (I can't wait for the Schultz onslaught this summer. She will be in heaven with all of the visitors.) She is still obsessed with her Aunt and Uncle and baby Cousin next door - and last, but not least, her brother.

This has been the biggest area of growth in the last three months. She has gotten bigger, stronger, more balanced and more verbal so that she can now run with the big boy. And this makes them both So Happy. Usually ;). Their games are getting more two sided (think wrestling matches), rather than just P entertaining her. And so his appreciation for her grows, and thus his want to play with her and its just a lovely circle to watch. Usually ;). The new thing in her 17th month has been following her brother's instructions. A game Phoenix finds endlessly fabulous and that I have to sometimes walk away from :).

For example. "Zia, Zia, say 'Diiiiiiiiieeeeee! And run after me." So she grins hugely, screams Die and runs, chasing him while he giggles and shrieks and skitters through the house. This, this will go over so well on the playground when she sees some unsuspecting little first born toddler and scares the ever loving patooey out of him.

So we (P and I) occasionally chat about what seeds are helpful to plant, and what seeds are Not.

She is getting so competent and helpful, too. I use the word helpful in a loose way, here, but really, she loves to "help." To help get her self dressed, with her shirt on backwards and her pants on the same leg. She loves to take her nap-time diaper off and put it in the laundry room. And then she typically helps by pressing the buttons on the washing machine while she is back there, leading me to find stalled loads later that day... She loves to help clean the floor, spilling her sippy all over and then grabbing whatever fabric she can find, maybe even my sweater, to wipe it up. She loves to help take clothes out of the closet when she sees me organizing and create her own methodology that Should Not Be Interrupted or Changed. She likes to help weed the garden, occasionally including the beets. Well, you get the idea. She watches us work and mimics her heart out :). I find it unbearably precious. She tries So Damn Hard. Phoenix was consistently frustrated with these well intended mistranslations of life for a while, angrily correcting her, but he's starting to chuckle at it these days, too.

Because its hard not to. In fact, the other day he was telling her how frustrated he was with her, using words she doesn't know yet, ahem, and when he finished his frustrated sentence she beamed the biggest grin at him... and told him she loves him.

Obviously, he forgot he was mad :)

And that brings me to my last updatey thing for these three months. She is unbelievably full of hugs and kisses and love. Hearing her sweet little voice say "I love you" kiiiiills me.

Oh. And zippers. That's the big thing this week. She Loves Zippers. Maybe it's good I only update occasionally so that we are saved such banalities ;)

Excuses, or a big ol' general update.

I can't believe I've missed Z's updates for...four months - eek! Well, I can believe it, but my father cannot ;)

Life has been so busy. We go all day long and then we all crash at 10 (poor Superman can barely keep his hardworking eyes open by then!) Days are a mix of crazy busy and then wide open stretches, due to Winter and its typical germy chaos. (As we saw when E went back to Kansas and all of our plans fell through because all of our buds got sick!) This winter's weather has proven to be just as lovely as last year's, so we're often on a walk or playing in the park or, if Z has her way, down the block at the playground;). Toss in some playdates, attempted gardening time (I'm trying to plan the yard and implement those ideas - ha!) and home reno stuff (removing carpet and subfloor or painting or such), sprinkle in the usual suspects of cooking and cleaning and life feels Busy. But all very low key and lovely.

When I feel frustrated that we are so busy but aren't doing even More (cuz we really aren't doing that much:) I must remind myself how much time goes towards food prep and the resulting cleaning. While I can't imagine a life of Lunchables, I sure as hell can see the allure of easy to grab grub. After almost a year and a half of working to figure out all of Z's allergies, there are still so many unknowns. Poor Z's skin has been a mess for the last two months and I am working my ass off trying to figure out what the triggers are. It started unraveling when we went back to Kansas (yeesh, I guess that makes it 5 months...) I added lots of foods then, travel is tricky. I've since dropped all of those foods and a few more, trying to piece the puzzle together while simultaneously swearing to not cut corners and add foods too quickly when traveling again. Her sleep and skin got to an all time low for a while with her waking dozens of times each night, screaming. That's when I drastically dropped foods and things improved. Florida threw it all off again. I think we are finally back on track, her skin is, while not healed, not getting any worse this week :). I'll list what we are actively avoiding as triggers below, but there are still gads of good eats I haven't even tested yet that Z and I still aren't eating:

Beans - except pinto. This includes lentils and green beans (newly avoided) and peas.
Nuts - all nuts are a no.
Seeds - all seeds - sesame, chia, pumpkin and sunflower. (Sunflower oil is in everything!)
Extended Squash family. Cukes, acorn, zucchini, watermelon, you name it.
Potatoes, yams and sweet potatoes.
Corn. This one yields the greatest complexity, as it is in all vitamins, baking powder, vanilla, oh the list is endless, really.
Citrus. This is the newest realization and why I think things are finally clearing up.
Oats.

The list doesn't look that bad, really. Some days it feels insanely limiting (like if we are out and want to just grab a bite - which is absolutely impossible), but most days it doesn't seem too bad. We've been doing this long enough that making our own everything from scratch is second nature. Not eating out is now the norm. But this type of living, it eats time up!

So how are we, other than lame-yet-busy? ;)

P, though down with our post-flight cold today (thus the blogging during nap-time!) is doing really, really well. He seems happy and adjusted here. So much more so than in NYC, but that could be an age thing. He spends scads of time making lego creations. He absolutely adores his yard. And digging into long books with me during nap-time. He has made some really sweet friends that come over each week and share his various loves. (He is responding really well to friends coming over to our house to play - which is kinda new for him and a freaking blessing for me (since watching Z in other people's non baby proofed homes can be a nightmare for all involved - lol!)) His gut seems to finally be balancing back out (we've been working hard on that for the last year) and his foods are expanding again and his cravings are gone. This has directly corresponded with his intense separation anxiety dissipating (a side effect to candida overgrowth for some kids), which is a boon to all of us, but especially him. He's even noticed that he's not as nervous that I'll disappear :). And to top it off, he and his sister are becoming serious buds. He told me last week that he's decided it, he really likes her. Phew ;)

Superman has been, as Superman always is, working his butt off. He gets up in the dark to meet his NYC hours, biking home 12 or more hours later and coming through the door ready to rumble with the kids. Well, sometimes it's less rumble, more relax, but the kids don't seem to get that hint ;). But he, too, seems so much happier than in NYC. The commute there wore. him. down. He visited the NYC office for meetings a couple weeks ago and was happy to report that he didn't pine as he walked the Brooklyn Bridge (we seriously, seriously, seriously pined last time we moved away from Brooklyn.). Portland feels like home for him. Especially now that family is here (can you say soooo awesome to have sweet family as neighbors?!?!?!?).

And me, I'm content, too. All of the "should I be doing this, should I be doing that?" seems less loud (though not *gone*;) these days. Days are so busy, all of the time I spent in my head (or reading) for the first, oh, 36 years ;) isn't available and I'm finding the non-stop action harmonious as a type of living meditation. That's not to say that a rare, quiet nap-time like today isn't still fab ;). But I'm really enjoying being in the moment and all of the moments being filled, whether by something wonderful or even just the dirty dishes. It all seems good.

And Z, well, she really should get her own update. Four months at her age is a lifetime ;)

Thankfulness

This post started out a Z's monthly(ish) update and swerved sideways, lol. Update to come next :)

I can't believe how much bigger Z seems in the last two months. Sense of humor, really high jumps, quite a few sentences, and she's found her "no." And I find it so adorable that I actually enjoy each and every one.

I'm actually finding pretty much everything adorable these days. I have to play it cool in public, so as not to be one of those cloying parents, grinning ear to ear, muttering under her breath, "she said "hi," wasn't that precious?!"

Part of this is that this is just a really cute age. The ornery smile, the dimple. The run while laughing. Part of it is a bit of Mama trauma I need to work through. The upside to something scary for me is thankfulness and appreciation.

I haven't talked about what happened because it was too much, but I'm hoping telling the tale in brief bits will be cathartic :).

P and Z got really sick with the flu this last month. 104-105 fevers. And in the night (just after E went to work) Z's fever rocketed and she had a seizure. Fortunately, she was laying on me, I had just taken her temp. I instantly recalled Superman's parents mentioning his babyhood febrile seizures, but to be honest, in the dark of the night, this familiarity wasn't too much solace. As I swept her up to take her to the bathtub (what they did in their story) she went limp. Totally limp, and her sweet little form dangling from my arms was terrifying. I called to a sleeping Phoenix to call 911 (I had magically just installed a 911 app on my phone and talked him through it the day before). He tried, but the poor, feverish kid was like a deer in the headlights, flipping through the phone in sleepy shock. I'll never forget his voice to the dispatcher, his fear, what he said, it will haunt me forever. Sweet Z was choking, she was not breathing at all and her lack of sound and movement once her seizure stopped was horrifying. I started mouth to mouth and yelled my address to the 911 guy. He wanted to chat - so many questions, but I had to nicely tell him to piss off after he had my address and knew that a 1 year old was choking. All of me was focused on Z and keeping her here.

Afterwards, I was impressed by how realistically the movies nail the whole CPR-puking-to-breathing scenario. A little more mouth to mouth and I turned her to her side as she vomited again and again. And she breathed, and cried.

There was a swarm of men in my house soon after. I turned down a trip in the ambulance, thinking the last thing two flu stricken kids needed was an ER full of germs. They checked out Z, as much as the sobbing child would let them, and left just as the sun came up.

One haunting realization with this was that the people trained to help aren't there when you need them. The ER docs and the paramedics, they don't live here. And while they we fast, they wouldn't have been fast enough. And going to the hospital post trauma is pointless. (I needed post trauma therapy of a different kind :)

But Z did end up taking a ride in an ambulance a few hours later. Superman came home and we both lay cuddling Z's finally sleeping form. But her fever wouldn't stay down with medicine and when it rushed up again our doc told us to call 911. Again.

Come to find out, I have a big block against calling 911. I mean, when Z wasn't breathing I didn't hesitate. But she didn't seem That Emergent to me. Another seizure wouldn't kill her and riding in an ambulance wouldn't *prevent* one. Understandably, we couldn't strap her in her recumbent car seat and me drive her, as we'd already found out how seizures and choking suck. Blech. So off we went, E staying home with a horribly sick P. Thank gawd for Superman.

I wondered for days afterward how long the awful images and immense thankfulness would stick with me. How long before they fade like a scar. I haven't reached that point yet :) Ever since E was diagnosed with cancer, I've had a really heightened level of thanks that he just IS. And that certainly spread to my kids. But this took it up another notch and I find myself giving silent thanks every day that I still have Z.

Soooo, long story short, if my blog about how stupendously fabulous my offspring are wasn't cloying enough before, well, watch out ;). I'll try to not set off gag reflexes too often :)

Florida!

Seriously, going months at a time without seeing my folks kiiiiiiiills me (but not enough to live in Kansas;). And the highlight of P's very existence (according to P;), is visiting them in Florida. So, despite the almost deadly amount of air travel required, we have come to (as my mother calls it, and always in one, loving breath), sunnywarmSarasota.

P is in heaven.

Z .... she broke out in hives on the flight down, Then pooped. Then popped again. Have I mentioned how much I love changing diapers in tiny airplane bathrooms;) Then there may have been some screaming a few times in there. And for quite a while on the car-ride from the airport.... ("I WANT DOWN!!!!!!!!!"). But she made her first transcontinental vacay in one piece. Minus the hives, I guess :)

Now she is covered in rashes and getting in molars. She weathers her discomfort in typical Z style. Loudly. And sleeplessly. But man can she turn on the charm when Gramps or cousin Josh walk into the room :)

Back to P:). He spent vast amounts of time, pre-cold front, getting pruny in the pool. Then busied himself collecting seashells from the drive when the weather went south. He loves the smell of the air. Driving the mule. Chatting with his Gramps. Hanging out with Grams. The child, he is very, very happy. And this helps him recover from the fact that his sister makes popping into the car an act of sheer misery, thus deterring most Florida attractions. But, hey, the kid has shells and water and the most awesome of grandparents right here, no car ride needed. (just that damn, initial plane bit;)